Lessons from a Duel

So, I challenged a friend to a duel last weekend, or an honor battle as we call it in our swordfighting group. I never expected to learn so many lessons from what some might consider silly or unwise.

It all started when I updated my cover photo on Facebook to a picture of my friend Jarom and I swordfighting. Another friend made a comment about the event we were at, and eventually Jarom claimed I couldn't and hadn't beat him at all (His persona at this event was a barbarian god-king).

I posted a picture that I took at the event after I had defeated him, which he claimed was photoshopped. I posted a second picture I took as a second witness, which he also claimed I edited. (Lesson #1, don't argue with trollers 😂)

So, since he wasn't dropping it, I decided to actually edit a photo so not only was he defeated, I was in a victorious stance. We bantered back and forth, and I finally challenged him to an honor battle. He had besmirched my honor. We both knew who was right, and that I could defeat him. He readily accepted.

We took it off of Facebook at that point. I realized that we'd need to agree on weapons, since we both know multiple rules on them. I thought I remembered that the person challenged got to choose weapons, and looked up the rules on dueling. Sure enough, he got to pick. I also learned a lot more details on dueling, those will be useful to me as an author...

In my research I learned more about a couple of people on our currency. I had already known that Alexander Hamilton (on the $10 bill) was killed in a duel, but what I didn't know was that Andrew Jackson (on the $20 bill) was a bit of a duelist himself. No one knows for sure, but it is estimated he participated anywhere from 10 to 100 duels. I connected myself more to Jackson, since he had won duels. I felt more of a connection to both of them as this experience went on.

The feelings and emotions soon started to hit.

Fear
Could I really beat him in a duel in front of a bunch of people? (He was kind enough to plant that one) Was I making a terrible mistake? What would happen if I lost? What would happen if I won?

Anger
Who did he think he was, posting untruths on my Facebook page? (Granted, it was only in the comments) Why wouldn't he drop it? He and I are actually fantastic friends, and I knew he was doing it in jest, and I was egging him on as well, so this feeling didn't last long at all. I think most of it came from the character I was playing, who was mad at the god-king of the barbarians anyway.

Confidence
Heck yeah I could beat him! I had killed him with my limp arm that day! How many times had I beaten him one on one? About 50%! If nothing else, we had agreed to fight twice! I knew he saw me as a formidable opponent. I was in the right, that meant that I had truth on my side as well!

Embarrassment
What was I doing? Anyone watching must have thought I was crazy! Why was I telling people about this? Should I call it off? But what would that say about me?

Sadness
This one really started to hit the day before and the day of the duel. Why did I feel like I had to fight one of my best friends? Would this hurt our friendship? Things seemed funny at work sometimes (no duh?).

I was grateful to recognize each of these as they came. It was valuable to see how they affected me, and what triggered them. I try to study my emotions not only for myself, but to make me a better writer and author. There was one other extremely important one, but I'll address that later.

I knew that I needed to visualize a positive outcome, victory! As this all was happening we were actually working at an event that teaches positive mindset. I tried to see myself striking the winning blow, and what would happen afterwards, but my writer brain wanted to see all the possibilities. "Thank you brain, I will file that for future use in a story . . . That one too, but let's focus on this outcome please." I have some work to do there...

My manager helped me with this by posing a figure in a victorious stance and labeling it:

Rebecca

Victory

over Jarom

Jarom actually suggested that I hire a skilled fighter in our group to train me, because he already had. My pride rejected the idea (I didn't need that!), but I seriously considered it. I knew it would be valuable, and I had previously considered hiring this person anyway. I contacted him that night, and we arranged to meet the next day. (I challenged Jarom on Thursday, the fight was on Tuesday)

The morning we were going to train I was feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing as I was doing my daily declarations, statements of who I am. My first one is "I am good enough." That one had actually been getting me down lately because I wanted to be more than good enough. As I said it that morning though, it took on a new meaning. "I am good enough. . . to beat Jarom!" I knew my mindset needed to be positive, and this was going to help immensely with it. It also helped me with that declaration in general.

Training proved to be incredibly valuable. Not only did I learn shots to throw, I learned swordfighting mindset. I had figured some stuff out on my own over the almost two years I've done swordfighting, and picked up some tips here and there from others, but having a mentor or teacher really makes a difference. Just by the outcome of our spars I could tell I was improving. On top of that, he gave me some specific pointers to fight Jarom. Talk about a confidence boost!

Talking to Jarom the next day, he mentioned he hadn't decided yet if he was going to win or not, how hard he was going to fight. I wasn't about to tell him to go all out, though I decided I could still beat him if he did. That had an effect on my mindset, scaring me, giving me hope, and making me more determined all at the same time.

One thing I was grateful for, was though we would talk trash up until the duel, we could still work together effectively, and we were still friends. I had an issue I needed to solve at work, and he helped me find a solution as if nothing had ever happened. I tried to do the same. This reinforced a skill I already have been working on as a writer, separating stories from real life. There are principles to learn from stories for sure, but you can't live inside of them. You have to separate yourself from a character you are connected to, whether that is someone in a book you are reading (or writing), or a role-playing character, as was the case here.

The ironic part? The day of the fight as we were playing games before our duel Jarom and I ended up on the same team most of the time. At one point when we were both waiting to jump back into a game he said something that really got me thinking. "You know there won't be a winner, right?"

At first I thought he was saying that because we had an even number of fights planned, but he explained what I had been thinking earlier that was making me sad, that it meant one of us had to lose, which could harm our friendship, and we'd both lose.

The moment finally came. Everyone circled up around us and we explained why we were having an honor battle. In the process, he admitted that he was lying and the pictures were real, but we were still going to fight. I felt vindicated, my honor had been restored, but I still wanted to win the fight.

Everyone started chanting, the cameras started rolling, and we tapped swords. Ultimately, he won both fights (with some incredible moves I must say), but I also felt that I had fought well. I felt a bit deflated, and it really hit me the next day, but we congratulated each other and our friendship was back to normal.

Some of the other lessons I learned, but not necessarily thorough a particular instance were:

• The importance of integrity: Because I knew that I had been truthful (other than the third image I actually edited) I knew I had a footing to stand on. I also realized that the one falsified image, though done in fun, weakened my position. I was still fully truthful after that, but it tainted my argument and I had to be careful about how I worded things to make sure what I was saying was true.
• The importance of support: Though at times I felt ridiculous, I kept telling people about the adventure I was on. I was pleasantly surprised about the amount of support I was receiving, and I even had someone tell me "you'd better win!" I felt that nearly everyone was on my side, they had sympathy, but no matter the outcome they would support me. Even Jarom was supportive!
• The importance of humility: Had I practiced a bit more humility to begin with this whole thing wouldn't have even happened. I could have just dropped the conversation. There are much better ways to resolve things than by a physical fight, and I think a lot of the world today forgets that. We don't have duels like we used to, but we still have violence for a lot of the same seemingly petty reasons. The violent way things are often resolved now can often catch others in the crossfire. Also, had I not practiced humility and gotten some training I would not have the skills I do now, nor would I have fared as well in our battle.

Throughout the whole experience I felt a great sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I could be learning some of these life lessons in a safe manner, that wouldn't have a drastic negative consequence, but many lasting good ones. (That's what play is for, isn't it?) I didn't actually die is a great result! Grateful that when needed, we could put aside our funny little squabble and get things done, or just have a mutual respect for one another and normal conversation. Grateful that we were both able to be quick to forgive, and give kudos to each other.

In summery, here are most of the lessons I learned:

• Don't argue with trollers
• How duels work(ed)
• History on some founding fathers
• The impact of emotions
• Positive visualization
• Positive mindset (I am good enough, etc.)
• Swordfighting skills
• Separation of story from real life
• Importance of practice (I practiced a lot with my siblings up to the battle)
• How valuable friendship is
• Better ways to resolve things
• Importance of integrity
• Importance of support
• Importance of humility

It was a lot of fun, though I'm glad it's over and don't necessarily recommend challenging your friend to a duel. We are having fun sharing the videos and watching the footage to further improve. I've received a lot of unsolicited consolation, which has helped me continue to feel that support I felt leading up to the duel. I feel joy in the ultimate outcome: No hard feelings, lessons learned, skills increased, a good time had, and many of our friends entertained.

Passions

What are you passionate about? This can be an interesting question because in can be interpreted a lot of different ways. I'm not talking about things you're interested in or just like doing, I'm talking about things that stir your soul.

Upon looking up the word "passionate" in the dictionary this is the first result I receive: "Showing or expressing strong beliefs, interest, or enthusiasm." (There are other uses for this word that are related, but my focus today is using this definition.) Some things that I have determined I am passionate about are first and foremost my relationship with my Heavenly Father as well as my Savior, writing, and music. There are others, but these are the ones in my mind that mean the most to me right now.

The one that I'll focus on most is writing, which I think in large portion really comes down to storytelling for me. I've been telling stories for as long as I can remember, whether verbally, through acting, through daydreaming, or thorough writing. I remember writing my first "book" when I was about three years old. I drew the pictures, stapled them together, and had my parents transcribe my description. It was about a dinosaur named Harry who was sad because while all the other dinosaurs were hairy, he hadn't had a single hair come in yet (My three year old self probably knew dinosaurs didn't grow hair, but my imagination grasped the idea of "what if?"). By the end of the book he was starting to grow hair and was so excited. I even wrote a sequel!

The interesting thing about the fact that I love writing is that my spelling used to be terrible. Even though I've loved stories and reading from a very young age the actual writing aspect was a struggle for a long time. Spellcheck was my best friend, and even then it sometimes couldn't figure out the word I was trying to spell. In the three times I participated in the spelling bee I went out in the first round twice. It wasn't until I was fourteen that I had much confidence in my ability to spell. That was the last year that I could do the spelling bee, and I lost the tiebreaker for third place, taking fourth! The really funny part? The words I missed were "falsetto" and "vibrato," both music related words.

Did I let my struggling spelling skills hold me back? No! I continued to create stories, whether I actually wrote them or not. I went to events at my local library with guest authors and wished that there was even a chance for aspiring writers to earn enough money to make a living. The idea of being an author greatly appealed to me, but I thought it was impractical. (Did I bother asking the guest authors? Er, no.)

I pushed away the idea for years. I just didn't see it as possible. I was still a kid, and I was letting stigmas crush my dreams, though I didn't see it at the time. Do. Not. Let. Your. Dreams. Be. Crushed. Had I truly believed in my passion (though I didn't realize then that's what it was) at the time I could be leaps and bounds ahead of where I am in my current skill level. I'm grateful for where I am, and for how I got here, but now I know that I want my children to grow up knowing that it is okay to follow their wholesome passions. The most important thing though is that I didn't let the idea die. There was still a part of me that longed to write and create.

Part of what makes it a passion to me is the fulfillment I feel when I am doing it. I feel so much myself. It brings me great joy, not just fleeting happiness. Especially when I can look back at a finished project, or even just a project that I've worked on a lot. The fact that I created something so cool, even when it is a collaborative effort, brings me great joy and satisfaction.

I could go on and on, but let's look at another passion of mine, music. What about music makes it a passion? I think the biggest thing is they way it makes me feel, much like writing. I feel so much joy when I sing, or play my violin, or listen to wholesome music. Sometimes I'm not as focused on the words or the notes as I would like, but I still love what I am doing.

Another thing that brings the joy into my passions is the connection that I feel to my Heavenly Father. In music I can sing His praises, or remember that He is always there for me. I feel His power even when listening to music that might be considered secular, because it relates to my life. This is one reason I am very selective of the music that I listen to, because I can feel it when the song drives away the Spirit. When that happens that song gets deleted or skipped, even if I previously really enjoyed the song, though I tend to keep those a bit longer to make sure it wasn't just my mood that day or misunderstanding the lyrics (it usually isn't, but it has been in a few cases).

In my writing, I feel connected to my Heavenly Father because I am using the creative powers He has given me, creating worlds like He has, though on a much, much smaller scale. I learn the importance of agency as I allow my characters to make mistakes. When I let them go through hard things because I know the growth they will go through I better see how God does the same thing for me, and it makes my trials a little bit easier to bear.

My passions bring me joy. More so than other things that are more of an interest. Does that mean those things can't become passions? No, but as of right now they are hobbies, not passions. Does the fact that I'm passionate about something mean it's always easy or I always want to work on it? No! Sometimes I really don't want to work on it, even though I know that it will help me, or something needs to get done. But it is in those times that I go through the most growth, even if I don't see it for a while.

What are you passionate about? What brings you the most joy? How does it better connect you with heaven?

Do I Have a Comfort Zone?

I’m back! Since I last posted I’ve served a mission, gotten an amazing job with an amazing company, and have learned a lot of things about being an adult. It has had its ups and downs, but on a whole, it has been wonderful. These things considered, I’ve decided to rename my blog. While I may still be young, most would not consider me a “youth” anymore. (Though in elf years, I’m yet a wee one!)

It remains to be seen with this rebranding how much the content will change. I know I have gone through several transformations in the almost three and a half years it’s been since I last wrote here. I know for sure some of the changes, but I’ll let you as the reader discover them.

Now the title of this post. “Do I have a comfort zone?” It seems an odd question. Most people would say “Of course I do. And I don't go outside of it often enough. Don’t you?” One of the greatest compliments someone has given me is that I am always outside my comfort zone. At first, I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or not. Then he explained that I am constantly pushing myself and am almost never in my comfort zone.

That was over two years ago. I have taken that in stride and realized that has been the case through much of my life. I was talking to my dad about comfort zones yesterday and asked him, “Is it odd that I feel most comfortable outside my comfort zone?” An awesome conversation ensued, and I felt like I gained some knowledge about myself.

I don’t like the feeling I get when I am stagnant. When you think about a stagnant pool of water not only is it not moving, it is allowing bacteria and other harmful organisms to grow. When we stop learning, growing, and progressing we allow harmful things to grow and fester within ourselves. These could be emotions, ideas, or thoughts about ourselves. I want to do what I can to not only prevent these from growing, but getting rid of what I’ve already acquired. I have been so much happier since I’ve started taking steps towards that.

My dad had heard from a friend that they didn’t think they had a comfort zone anymore, they had been outside of it for so long. I feel like this could be the case with me, but there is a place that I tend to feel safe. Somewhere that I can go to regain my energy to keep doing those things that stretch and grow me. If you stretch constantly for too long you are going to tear. You have to give yourself a chance to regroup.

One of my favorite memes is really simple, yet profound. In fact…

I have always wanted to be in that place where the magic happens. Often when I face something uncomfortable I have reminded myself about that meme, because I know what it depicts is true. Now, if I don’t have a comfort zone, that means that the magic can happen all around me!

My dad pointed out that as I felt, we do need a zone to heal. That doesn’t mean that we linger there, more that we stay there only as long as we need to because we want to get back out and discover what the world holds in store for us. I’m excited to see what I’ll find now that I am discovering this.

Adventure is waiting!

Thoughts from a Stake Valentines Dance

Last night I attended a Valentines dance that my stake put on. Both youth and adults were invited so I took my younger brother since my parents weren't feeling well. Dances aren't usually my favorite as I love to ballroom dance, even though I don't know much, and not many people know any or will dance it. I prefer the slow dances because even if I don't know the song I can be talking to someone. Or at least, that's how it used to be...

While I was working out of state I learned how to loosen up and dance with my upper body, instead of just doing dance steps (not a whole lot of dance space behind a grill). This made the fast dances that I didn't know much more enjoyable. The slow dances were actually the less enjoyable part because there were not many youth at all so there was no one to dance with. (And none of them were waltzes, which I will dance by myself.) I had made the determination before I ever went to a stake dance not to ever do the jump up and down with your fist in the air dancing. Unfortunately this caused me to avoid using my arms for almost anything while dancing. I am so glad that I have been able to learn a more fun way to dance, and have gotten over my inhibitions.

I never thought that I would be selected to participate in a disco competition. They played a disco song, and after everyone had danced they had a few people select their favorite disco dancer and had a small dance off. With all the adults there who had actually lived through the disco era I didn't expect to be chosen, but one of the judges came up to me and had me go up. She mentioned that disco was a 'little' before my time, and I agreed with her. She mentioned that disco was during her high school years, and that she thought it was fun.

I came to the realization that just because it doesn't come from your era doesn't mean that it isn't fun. This can apply to people of all ages. The younger people can learn to appreciate things from eras before them, that just because they are 'old' doesn't mean they are dumb or embarrassing. The not as young people can learn to accept and perhaps enjoy some of the newer things. They aren't too strange or too difficult. There are things in every era that perhaps could/should do without, but there are also things that are worth keeping.

I was resting during one of the slow dances and had a chance to look out at all of the couples dancing on the floor. I thought it was so cute to see all of the couples dancing close to each other, it was so tender. I want to be that way with my husband whenever it might be that I get married. I wouldn't do that while I'm still single, but that is a beautiful part of marriage.

I didn't think that I could learn so much from a stake dance, but it just goes to show that if you live your life so you are always learning, any experience can teach you something unexpected.

Growing Up

It's been a few months since I've posted. I've been working out of state in a commercial kitchen for three months with limited internet access, and I wouldn't have traded that experience for the world. I've learned so much about myself, about others, and about life.

I don't even know where to begin.

I learned that I really am a social person. Growing up as a child being homeschooled you hear a lot of concern for your 'socialization' and you always wonder a little bit if you fit into your peer groups, but then again, I'm sure that happens to everyone. I used to think that I didn't fit in well with people my age. I worked well with people my parents' age, I am rather mature for my age and can comfortably talk with those older than me. I worked well with people younger than me, because I am mature I realized how much of an influence I have over those younger than me, and tried to use that influence for good, being a leader. But because I am a little more mature, I felt like I didn't mesh very well with most people my age, and that therefore I wasn't a very social person. I was very worried when I left that I would go off by myself a lot, and not interact with the people around me. I was very surprised when I realized that I was spending a lot of time with other people, and hadn't even touched Les Miserables. Talking to some people, I found out that they couldn't even tell that I was homeschooled, like they could with other people they knew. They were even surprised that I, and another girl there were homeschooled. (Proof that just because you're homeschooled, doesn't mean you're awkward, there are awkward public-schoolers too). I discovered that even if I don't talk very much, I still like being around people, and once I get to know someone I really open up.

I learned that it's OK to let yourself loose. I was so uptight and shy when I got there, and it prevented me from connecting with people quickly. I thought I was up there to do a job, and I was going to do it, and do it as well as I could, which meant no goofing off whatsoever. I had a hard time even talking while working because I was concentrating on what I was doing so much. It was through some wonderful people that I learned that I can have fun while working, lighten up, and still get the job done as well or better. It can even make you go faster, which in turn gives you more time to make the job fun. "In every job that must be done there is an element of fun. You find the fun and SNAP! The job's a game!" -Mary Poppins. We had a lot of 'sneaking' dishes into the sink, refusing to get off mats because they were being 'stolen,' arguments about the dark side, and so forth. I learned that you don't have to be totally mature all of the time. Part of maturity is knowing when it is OK to be immature. "...Men are that they might have joy." -2 Nephi 2:25. It's important to be mature and do what is right, but you can still do what is right and have fun. Because I learned to loosen up I created memories that I'll have with me for a long time. I'm now also a trained ninja assassin.

I learned that even if someone bugs you, a lot, you can get over that and still be friends. There were a few people up there that when I first met them really annoyed me. I don't like the feeling of disliking someone, and so I really tried to become friends with them. And you know what? It was really hard. It took a long time, but I learned to look past the things that bugged me, and look for the positive qualities they had. I may not have become really good friends with them, but we did become friends, and even had fun together, at least I think we did... I did at least.

There is so much else I could write about, but I'd better stop now and go have some FUN!

Tender Mercies

I had the opportunity to attend youth conference with my stake this week. I also have had the opportunity to help plan the conference over several months. Because I was in on the planning (I was one of ten youth helping to plan it) I wasn't sure how much I would get out of it because I was in on most of the 'surprises.' But the Lord gave me, and showed me, many tender mercies during this youth conference.

We were split up into 14 'families' of various sizes. I thought that I would know about 4 out of 12 youth in mine, and then two of those people didn't end up coming. There ended up being seven youth in my family (including me) that came, two of which I didn't know. I ended up actually knowing more people than I thought I did, I just didn't recognize them by name. One person I realized later my brother knew a few years ago, and had driven him nuts then. It was a tender mercy to me that I didn't know that, because I got to know them now, without any bias, and found them to be a really nice person (and my brother agrees at this point too).

We had some waterfront time, and I had decided to take my camera on the water so I could take some pictures. I had a plastic bag to put it in to keep it dry if my camera bag happened to get wet. The canoes we were in were lighter than the ones that I'm used to, and therefore aren't as stable. My brother and I happened to be in the same canoe (we didn't plan to do that) with someone else on my 'family.' We were moving along and managed to get someone to ram into us. The boat leaned far to the left, and I tried to shift my weight to the right, but we still tipped too far and the canoe capsized. Fortunately we all had life-jackets on, and were able to stay afloat. The rescue boat came and got us and took us to shore. I took my camera out and realized that water had gotten inside the plastic bag, the same thing happened to my brother. Fortunately the cameras only got wet, and not submerged so they should (hopefully) work okay as long as we get all the moisture out.
I got wondering why the Lord hadn't warned me not to take my camera on the water, but then I realized that I probably wouldn't (or didn't) pay attention to that thought because I had already had decided to take it, and I didn't plan on getting in the water. Fortunately I had planned for getting in the water, and had the bag and had packed extra clothes. I realized that the Lord probably prompted me to remember to put the camera in the bag, because I didn't have it in earlier so I could get to it easier. I either was prompted to take a picture shortly before waterfront, or was just prompted to put it in the bag when we got there, I can't remember which at this point.
I'm grateful that the Lord gave me that tender mercy, so I just have a funny story to tell later without a tragedy connected to it.

I guess I have a thing for high adventure stuff. I went to a leadership camp last month where we did a lot of it. Heights don't seem to bother me if I'm harnessed to a rope with a belay. The main challenge course at the camp we went to is a zip-line (there are other, smaller ones too). I had done the exact course before (they have multiple zip-lines) and so I knew I would do fine on it. I made sure everyone else went before I did so if anyone couldn't do it, it would be someone who had done it before. There were several people who freaked out a little while walking across the beam to get to the zip-line platform or on the platform itself, which was to be expected, heights scare a lot of people, and there were a few who refused to go on the zip-line, and had to get off another way. Because I don't really get freaked out by that I didn't know what I would get out of it besides a fun ride.
I climbed up the telephone pole so fast that the person in front of me was still hooking up to the zip-line when I reached the top, so I had to wait a second to cross the beam. I was wondering if crossing the beam would unnerve me at all, but it didn't seem to phase me. I walked across so fast that the person in front would still be on the zip-line for a minute, so the missionary prepping people for the zip-line had me walk backwards on the beam for fun! That was really cool for me. Then when I could finally go on the zip-line I had a little trepidation before I jumped off, (a good reminder/reassurance that I was still human) but was only standing on the edge for a second before I took a deep breath and jumped as the missionary told me to take a leap of faith. The zip-line was a blast and I got to touch the pole on the other end with my hand, which I couldn't do the last time I had done it.
I was grateful for the several tender mercies I was given in that experience, walking backwards, incredible balance and speed, jumping off so fast, and touching the pole.


The second night of the youth conference we had a testimony meeting. The testimonies that were borne were so touching, and it reassured me that everything we had planned did touch and change people, which I was starting to get anxious about a few days before the conference. There were several people who got up who I would not have expected to get up. I was content to sit and listen because it was so good, though I felt that I could have gotten up too. The stake president finally got up and said that after those who were up to go next were done we would end and go to bed, but we would have another opportunity the next night to bear testimony, which was not scheduled, but we could fit in. The next night was just as good as the last, and testimonies were borne for two hours and ten minutes. As I was sitting on the stand waiting to bear mine, I realized that I had originally wanted to end the youth conference with a testimony meeting, which hadn't worked out, but ended up happening anyway.
This is probably my favorite of all the tender mercies I was given over the youth conference. That I knew that what we had done had made a difference, and that we ended the conference the way I had originally wanted it to end (maybe it was inspiration earlier?).


The Lord loves us so much, and gives us so many tender mercies. If we look for them (not seek, there's a difference) we will see them all around us. The fact that I was able to see all of these is a tender mercy in and of itself. Once I was shown one I was able to find so many more, and it made youth conference all the more special for me. These are just a sample of what the Lord did for me, and I think that I have yet to find all of them from this youth conference. I know that if I just look out for them I will find so many in my everyday life.


What tender mercies have you seen in your own life?

Application

The end of the school year has brought some interesting things to mind, one of which is the ability to apply one's self to the task at hand. Throughout the year I had to do this to keep up with my courses and honed that skill more than I ever had before. Sometimes it was hard because I wasn't very interested in what I needed to do, but I still applied myself and got it done, eventually. I even finished one of my classes a month early!

Then there are my brothers, who had a lot more time on their hands than I did, yet did nearly all their coursework in about a week, the last week or two that they could. They were driving me insane. While I guess they did apply themselves in a different way, it sure caused them a whole lot more stress than if they had done it earlier.

While I know that some people work better under pressure (I know at times I do), I would rather get my stuff done and be able to do other things instead of putting it off and having it weigh on my mind or completely forget it to be reminded of it at the last second. I know that I'm not perfect at it, or else this post would not have been written on the last day of the month, but I try to work on it, and get into whatever it is that I need to do.

I seem to have a real problem of distractions, especially when I'm working on the computer. Even if I am trying to apply myself I can get distracted by thinking I need to look up something, or I haven't really applied myself and I check the news or watch a video from my favorite YouTube channel. The internet is a blessing, but it can also be a curse, depending on how you control your time on it. The problem gets worse if I'm not really into what I'm doing, or don't really know how to proceed. While writing this post I have checked the news, watched YouTube videos, checked my email, and read my previous blog posts, mostly because I knew I wanted to write on this topic, but didn't know where to take it.

I think that one of the biggest enemies to application is procrastination. You think that you can do something later, and then you realize that you put it off to the last minute and you just have to get it done, you can't really put yourself into it anymore. I am so glad that I did something earlier this week that had to be done by the end of the week. I got it done, had fun with it, and I don't have to worry about it anymore, I can put my mind to other things, like writing.

I think that one thing that comes from applying yourself is that you learn something from it. It becomes part of you. The projects I've done that I really applied myself and put part of myself into have stuck better than the ones where I just went through the motions. Projects that I got excited over or had a lot of fun doing have stuck better than the ones that I just had to do to move on in the course. Think about how this principle fits into the definition of the word apply, as in applying a coat of paint. I have found it interesting.

You don't even have to really enjoy something to apply yourself to it, you may want a skill, but it might not be the most pleasant experience to gain that skill. For instance, I decided almost two years ago that I wanted to learn how to type. My sister got a learn to type program/game for school, and I started using it too. It was definitely geared to younger kids, but I still found it useful. I didn't master typing from that program, in fact, I didn't go through the whole thing, I got stuck on the shift key and couldn't get past it, but I learned which fingers press which keys, and I started using the home row method while typing other things. It has been very frustrating at times, and sometimes I have to look at the keyboard still, but I usually keep my fingers where they belong now, instead of only using my index fingers. While writing this post I have tried not to look at the keyboard, and succeeded for the most part. I should probably see what my WPM (Words per Minute) is now, and maybe see if I can finish that game now. It's been a slow process, and I'm still nowhere near proficient, but I'm glad that I've worked on this skill.

Hey, look at that! I finally applied myself to this post and it got written really fast and I enjoyed it too! What's something that you have applied yourself to that you're proud of? Leave me a comment!

'Tis a Gift to Be Simple

Every week my family attends a class about an hour and a half away. The past few weeks I have been taking a laptop to work on assignments during the drive. I didn't have anything due this time, just a book to finish for class next week. I read that on the way to class while it was still daylight, but it was dark when we left so I was not able to read the last six pages. I'll finish it when I'm done here :-). I was going to pull out the laptop so I could do some pleasure writing (like, my blog!), but my mom suggested that since we were in a more rural area I look at the stars until we got back to the city area and couldn't see them anymore. I agreed with her and did some stargazing from our van.

It is amazing how beautiful little white dots on a dark background are. I have always loved the stars, but don't normally get to see them for all the light pollution where I live. At girls' camp I have never missed a stargazing night, even though you only have to go during your fourth year. The first time I went the person teaching did such an awesome job, and knew so much, that I was hooked. While in the car I didn't recognize any constellations besides Orion, (I really only know summer constellations from camp) it was still amazing to see how many stars I could see just outside my window. My younger sister was looking too and said that she saw a bunny in the stars, after she said that I happened to see a cluster that resembled a carrot.

Looking at the stars reminded me of one of my family's favorite scenes from a movie:

" Pumbaa: Timon?
Timon:     Yeah?
Pumbaa: Ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon:     Pumbaa. I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon:     They're fireflies. Fireflies that uh... got stuck up on that big... bluish-black... thing.
Pumbaa: Oh. Gee. I always thought that they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon:     Pumbaa, wit' you, everything's gas."1 

It's amazing to think about how little things, like stargazing, will bring up memories. Just sitting there, enjoying the stars and the dark, hilly scenery left me with lots of time to think. My mom had just put in our Sting album (the British singer), and the song "When We Dance" started playing. Because we hadn't played that CD since our vacation to California a few months ago, my mind went back to the last specific time I remember hearing it, which was when we were either at, or headed to the beach for the first time for my siblings and I. I think that I am going to correlate that song with the beach for a long time. The funny thing is, if you had asked me what we were listening to when we went there, I probably couldn't have told you, but music tends to stir up memories and emotions that may have been sitting stagnant for a while.

After I finished reminiscing in my flashback, I got thinking about the stars again. I got thinking about how awesome it will be when I can make stars, constellations, and worlds. In my religion (the LDS or 'Mormon' religion) we believe that (in a nutshell) if we live the way we should, repent, get married in the temple and keep our marital covenants, and endure to the end, we will be able to become like God, live with Him again, and become gods and goddesses with the ability to create worlds. I think that is really cool, and I want to live my life in a way that I will be able to do that. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalms 82:6 which relates to that thought. I don't consider myself an extremely creative person, but I still like to create things.

I decided that I liked the feeling of riding in the car on a rural highway in the dark, it reminded me of childhood trips to my grandparent's house, which took three hours and was often in the dark. I began to ponder how amazing it is that we used to take trips like that a lot, and didn't have much to do, but were fine with the long drive (as long as we had a pit stop or two). Now I, and some of my family, had a hard time with this weekly drive we take. My brother kept bothering my mom to give him the iPad because he didn't have anything to do. I wanted to do stuff on the computer. I decided then that I would not pull out the laptop, and would contently look out the window.

Sometimes it is a good thing to be able to be amused or awed by the simple things in life, like the stars, a favorite quote from a movie, or recalling memories from small things. I think today we get so caught up in all this technology that we don't stop to think about the little things in life. We don't stop to smell the roses, we don't take the time to just find a book and read, we don't write a letter to a friend, we don't stop and dance when our favorite song is playing on the radio, we don't stop to take the time to write down our thoughts (I find myself kicking myself over this one a lot). There are so many small and simple ways that we could be taking a break and enjoying life, but we never stop in this ever moving world to take advantage of all the couple minute, or even second things that have the ability to refresh us.

I hope we all can find the time to take advantage of the simple things that make life pleasant. What are some of the simple things that make your life more enjoyable? Leave me a comment!

Resolutions

So, I should have written this post last month, but I didn't. There's a resolution I need to work on. I like the new way I'm doing resolutions this year. The past few years I've tried to review if I worked toward a resolution or not every so often, and this year I'm still doing that, but I'm also not setting as many goals to meet, but things to work on. At the end of the year I'll review, like I do every year, but instead of checking off whether I did it or not, I'll rate myself on how well I did it.

For instance, because right now I'm terrible about going to bed at a decent hour, I have a resolution to "Get on a better sleep schedule and keep it." If I start going to bed better and keep doing that, I'll give myself a 10. If I start doing that late in the year, I'll probably give myself a 9-7. If I start mid-year and stop in October, I'll give myself a 7-5. If I occasionally go to bed well throughout the year, I'll give myself a 4-2 for effort. If I fail epically, I give myself a 1 (lowest possible) and try again next year.

Using this format I can see how well I did things, and either congratulate myself, or determine I need to work on it again the next year. I did this rating system for last year's resolutions, and for the most part, if it was under 5 I put it back on my list, or decided that it wasn't really a priority anymore. Some resolutions I might have done 'well' on I revised and made more specific because I felt that resolution didn't help me as much as I had anticipated. I like this version much better than a check or X system because then I can recognize that I made an effort on that resolution, and if a resolution isn't exactly something that you can 'accomplish' then you can rate on how well you improved yourself.

For instance, last year I resolved to work on my writing skills. I didn't do much until after summer, when the classes I was taking required me to improve them, but in my mind they still improved immensely. I gave myself a 7 and decided that it didn't need to be a resolution again this year, I had done most of what I had intended to do. If anything I revised it and changed it this year to "Blog monthly (at least)." I gave myself a specific thing to do, not just a vague goal. Granted, I got off to a rocky start, but at least I can still aim for a 9 (because perfection is out of reach at this point) but I don't have to say 'Oh well, failed that one! Guess I won't even try anymore the rest of the year.' I can still try to achieve a high score, it just won't be perfect.

I like to be somewhat specific in my resolutions, and I'm learning when it needs to be more specific. What does 'Get organized' mean? Use 'organize/clean ___name of location___' instead, it will be easier to measure. Put the name of a room or a specific shelf, not 'the house,' start with small chunks and as you get better you can make bigger goals without totally overwhelming yourself. For several years I've resolved to "Write in journal regularly," but found that evidently 'regularly' was equating to once a month. I still technically was doing it, but it defeated the point. This year I finally woke up and changed it to "Write in journal weekly (at least)" and have managed to stick to it so far.

This year I actually have the least amount of resolutions that I have since I started. I decided I was going to work on fewer things a little harder. I have 9 this year, last year I had 16 (17 if you count the "Survive Dec 21st" one I jokingly made). I think it makes it a little more achievable, and you have less to try to focus on. I also prioritize my resolutions and then (try to) run through them in my head every night and see how I did on each of them that day. Because I go in order of priority, if I fall asleep before I make it through the list I at least reviewed on how I did on the most important ones (which sometimes equates to "go to bed better, nope! Zzzz).

If you haven't made any resolutions for this year you still can, only two months have passed so far, that still leaves 10 months in the year, why wait that long to make goals to improve yourself? If you need to, resolve to write next year's resolutions in December, I've done that before, and the knowledge that I resolved to do that helped me make sure I got some written the next year. I've gotten to the point I don't need that anymore, but it made sure I kept going and made it so I had to remember what I had resolved. Oh, and make sure you write them down and put them in a place you will remember where they are, you won't remember them otherwise. It took me a few weeks to memorize my list, (I wasn't working on it that hard) and I find every now and then that I wasn't remembering exactly what I wrote down, I was changing the words so it meant something slightly different.

If anyone has more tips on resolutions, please post them in the comments! (because I have so many people reading my blog :-P)

Happy resolution keeping!