Reminiscing on September 11th, 2001

For some reason I've been a lot more touched by all of the posts on social media about 9/11 this year than I have in the past. Maybe part of it is I am a lot less numb, and more open to my emotions. Maybe part of it is I have learned better how to connect with people, so the reality of what happened that day has sunk in more.

I was six years old at the time, sitting in the corner of our family room, watching Clifford, the Big Red Dog with my brother, who had just turned four. Clifford wasn't my favorite, but it was better than whatever was on the other PBS station at that given half hour.

My parents suddenly came rushing downstairs, my mom holding my baby brother. My dad took the remote and changed the channel. I protested, we had been watching first! He was turning to the news, which was boring. Suddenly I was really interested in watching Clifford.

Two really tall buildings were on fire. I probably asked what happened. I don't remember if my parents told me, or if I found out by replays of the planes hitting. I didn't care so much about my TV show anymore, and the news didn't seem quite as boring. (My parents had actually only heard about the Pentagon on the radio, they didn't find out about New York until coming downstairs)

I watched in amazement as the first tower fell. I think I actually missed most of it, I was too busy asking questions or had gotten bored of watching coverage of buildings on fire. My parents eventually went upstairs, but I was glued to the screen. Only one building was there now, and I watched that one fall. I ran upstairs to tell my mom, who was changing my brother's diaper. She just nodded sadly.

I didn't understand why she didn't rush down to see. It was exciting to my six-year old mind. It didn't occur to me that there would still be people in the buildings, they had been on fire for long enough that everyone would have gotten out, right? I was more concerned about the people that were in the planes that had crashed. I knew they didn't have a chance.

I saw the footage of the Pentagon, and the field in Pennsylvania. I was confused as to why and how a plane crashed into a field. I think that flight was the one I thought most about.

I had no idea how much my life would change that day. I actually remember very little about the world before that day. I think it made me aware of the world in general. I had last been on a plane as an infant, so had no memory of planes, I didn't even know at that point that I had ever been on one. I became scared of the idea of flying on a plane. I watched the news a lot. I wanted to know more about what happened. Keep in mind, I was SIX years old.

Shortly after it all happened I had a nightmare where a plane crashed into our driveway. I was scared that it really would happen (I really didn't have a sense of how big a plane actually is). I asked my parents what we would do if that were to happen. They tried to tell me it wouldn't, but finally calmed my fears by telling me a plane would hit our neighbor's two-story house before hitting our one-story house, let alone our driveway.

I learned a lot about patriotism. We put up our flag. There was a memorial program on TV with music and flags and speakers. It aired on EVERY CHANNEL. Well, all except one. That was an education channel and had a math program with a hand writing on a whiteboard, which I thought was funny. I thought it was incredible though that everyone would be playing the same thing, and flipped through the channels when my parents left the room.

I was sad. I was sad for the people who had died on the planes. I was sad for the people I found out didn't make it out of the buildings. I was sad the buildings had collapsed. I drew a picture on the computer of the planes hitting each location. I don't know if that file still exists. If it does, I don't currently have access to it. It somehow helped me to cope. Even years later.

This was also when I started paying attention to politics. I remember watching President Bush talking about the terrorists. I remember hearing about going to war. I thought that World War III was going to start. My uncle was deployed. Some friends moved in a couple years later whose dad was deployed.

I heard about all of these bad things, but I also heard the good stories. That the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania was supposed to crash into another building, but the people on board didn't let that happen. That people were coming together to help the families, the people in New York, and they found survivors in the rubble. People didn't go to work that day for whatever reason, and they were safe.

I still hear stories of good things that happened. One of my favorites is of the people in Gander, Newfoundland, Canada that were so hospitable to the people who were stranded in Gander because their flights were grounded there. I'd only hear that one in the past few years, after having visited Gander several times and talking about it often.

Why is it that so often it is tragedy that brings us together? It doesn't have to be something world changing like 9/11, it could be something like a timely death in the family, wildfires threatening cities, as is currently happening in my state, a person going missing.

How do we instead come together before tragedy strikes? I don't know the answer, but I have some ideas of things that I've seen bring people together for happy reasons. The arrival of a new baby, a wedding, the return of someone living away for an extended time, a weekly book or game group, a friendly sporting activity (cough, cough, including swordfighting), a graduation, a birthday or anniversary.

I hope that we can begin to bring each other together more. This world needs it, especially as it tries to pull itself apart. I know that with the right mindset we can begin to make a difference in small ways.

Lessons from a Duel

So, I challenged a friend to a duel last weekend, or an honor battle as we call it in our swordfighting group. I never expected to learn so many lessons from what some might consider silly or unwise.

It all started when I updated my cover photo on Facebook to a picture of my friend Jarom and I swordfighting. Another friend made a comment about the event we were at, and eventually Jarom claimed I couldn't and hadn't beat him at all (His persona at this event was a barbarian god-king).

I posted a picture that I took at the event after I had defeated him, which he claimed was photoshopped. I posted a second picture I took as a second witness, which he also claimed I edited. (Lesson #1, don't argue with trollers 😂)

So, since he wasn't dropping it, I decided to actually edit a photo so not only was he defeated, I was in a victorious stance. We bantered back and forth, and I finally challenged him to an honor battle. He had besmirched my honor. We both knew who was right, and that I could defeat him. He readily accepted.

We took it off of Facebook at that point. I realized that we'd need to agree on weapons, since we both know multiple rules on them. I thought I remembered that the person challenged got to choose weapons, and looked up the rules on dueling. Sure enough, he got to pick. I also learned a lot more details on dueling, those will be useful to me as an author...

In my research I learned more about a couple of people on our currency. I had already known that Alexander Hamilton (on the $10 bill) was killed in a duel, but what I didn't know was that Andrew Jackson (on the $20 bill) was a bit of a duelist himself. No one knows for sure, but it is estimated he participated anywhere from 10 to 100 duels. I connected myself more to Jackson, since he had won duels. I felt more of a connection to both of them as this experience went on.

The feelings and emotions soon started to hit.

Fear
Could I really beat him in a duel in front of a bunch of people? (He was kind enough to plant that one) Was I making a terrible mistake? What would happen if I lost? What would happen if I won?

Anger
Who did he think he was, posting untruths on my Facebook page? (Granted, it was only in the comments) Why wouldn't he drop it? He and I are actually fantastic friends, and I knew he was doing it in jest, and I was egging him on as well, so this feeling didn't last long at all. I think most of it came from the character I was playing, who was mad at the god-king of the barbarians anyway.

Confidence
Heck yeah I could beat him! I had killed him with my limp arm that day! How many times had I beaten him one on one? About 50%! If nothing else, we had agreed to fight twice! I knew he saw me as a formidable opponent. I was in the right, that meant that I had truth on my side as well!

Embarrassment
What was I doing? Anyone watching must have thought I was crazy! Why was I telling people about this? Should I call it off? But what would that say about me?

Sadness
This one really started to hit the day before and the day of the duel. Why did I feel like I had to fight one of my best friends? Would this hurt our friendship? Things seemed funny at work sometimes (no duh?).

I was grateful to recognize each of these as they came. It was valuable to see how they affected me, and what triggered them. I try to study my emotions not only for myself, but to make me a better writer and author. There was one other extremely important one, but I'll address that later.

I knew that I needed to visualize a positive outcome, victory! As this all was happening we were actually working at an event that teaches positive mindset. I tried to see myself striking the winning blow, and what would happen afterwards, but my writer brain wanted to see all the possibilities. "Thank you brain, I will file that for future use in a story . . . That one too, but let's focus on this outcome please." I have some work to do there...

My manager helped me with this by posing a figure in a victorious stance and labeling it:

Rebecca

Victory

over Jarom

Jarom actually suggested that I hire a skilled fighter in our group to train me, because he already had. My pride rejected the idea (I didn't need that!), but I seriously considered it. I knew it would be valuable, and I had previously considered hiring this person anyway. I contacted him that night, and we arranged to meet the next day. (I challenged Jarom on Thursday, the fight was on Tuesday)

The morning we were going to train I was feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing as I was doing my daily declarations, statements of who I am. My first one is "I am good enough." That one had actually been getting me down lately because I wanted to be more than good enough. As I said it that morning though, it took on a new meaning. "I am good enough. . . to beat Jarom!" I knew my mindset needed to be positive, and this was going to help immensely with it. It also helped me with that declaration in general.

Training proved to be incredibly valuable. Not only did I learn shots to throw, I learned swordfighting mindset. I had figured some stuff out on my own over the almost two years I've done swordfighting, and picked up some tips here and there from others, but having a mentor or teacher really makes a difference. Just by the outcome of our spars I could tell I was improving. On top of that, he gave me some specific pointers to fight Jarom. Talk about a confidence boost!

Talking to Jarom the next day, he mentioned he hadn't decided yet if he was going to win or not, how hard he was going to fight. I wasn't about to tell him to go all out, though I decided I could still beat him if he did. That had an effect on my mindset, scaring me, giving me hope, and making me more determined all at the same time.

One thing I was grateful for, was though we would talk trash up until the duel, we could still work together effectively, and we were still friends. I had an issue I needed to solve at work, and he helped me find a solution as if nothing had ever happened. I tried to do the same. This reinforced a skill I already have been working on as a writer, separating stories from real life. There are principles to learn from stories for sure, but you can't live inside of them. You have to separate yourself from a character you are connected to, whether that is someone in a book you are reading (or writing), or a role-playing character, as was the case here.

The ironic part? The day of the fight as we were playing games before our duel Jarom and I ended up on the same team most of the time. At one point when we were both waiting to jump back into a game he said something that really got me thinking. "You know there won't be a winner, right?"

At first I thought he was saying that because we had an even number of fights planned, but he explained what I had been thinking earlier that was making me sad, that it meant one of us had to lose, which could harm our friendship, and we'd both lose.

The moment finally came. Everyone circled up around us and we explained why we were having an honor battle. In the process, he admitted that he was lying and the pictures were real, but we were still going to fight. I felt vindicated, my honor had been restored, but I still wanted to win the fight.

Everyone started chanting, the cameras started rolling, and we tapped swords. Ultimately, he won both fights (with some incredible moves I must say), but I also felt that I had fought well. I felt a bit deflated, and it really hit me the next day, but we congratulated each other and our friendship was back to normal.

Some of the other lessons I learned, but not necessarily thorough a particular instance were:

• The importance of integrity: Because I knew that I had been truthful (other than the third image I actually edited) I knew I had a footing to stand on. I also realized that the one falsified image, though done in fun, weakened my position. I was still fully truthful after that, but it tainted my argument and I had to be careful about how I worded things to make sure what I was saying was true.
• The importance of support: Though at times I felt ridiculous, I kept telling people about the adventure I was on. I was pleasantly surprised about the amount of support I was receiving, and I even had someone tell me "you'd better win!" I felt that nearly everyone was on my side, they had sympathy, but no matter the outcome they would support me. Even Jarom was supportive!
• The importance of humility: Had I practiced a bit more humility to begin with this whole thing wouldn't have even happened. I could have just dropped the conversation. There are much better ways to resolve things than by a physical fight, and I think a lot of the world today forgets that. We don't have duels like we used to, but we still have violence for a lot of the same seemingly petty reasons. The violent way things are often resolved now can often catch others in the crossfire. Also, had I not practiced humility and gotten some training I would not have the skills I do now, nor would I have fared as well in our battle.

Throughout the whole experience I felt a great sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I could be learning some of these life lessons in a safe manner, that wouldn't have a drastic negative consequence, but many lasting good ones. (That's what play is for, isn't it?) I didn't actually die is a great result! Grateful that when needed, we could put aside our funny little squabble and get things done, or just have a mutual respect for one another and normal conversation. Grateful that we were both able to be quick to forgive, and give kudos to each other.

In summery, here are most of the lessons I learned:

• Don't argue with trollers
• How duels work(ed)
• History on some founding fathers
• The impact of emotions
• Positive visualization
• Positive mindset (I am good enough, etc.)
• Swordfighting skills
• Separation of story from real life
• Importance of practice (I practiced a lot with my siblings up to the battle)
• How valuable friendship is
• Better ways to resolve things
• Importance of integrity
• Importance of support
• Importance of humility

It was a lot of fun, though I'm glad it's over and don't necessarily recommend challenging your friend to a duel. We are having fun sharing the videos and watching the footage to further improve. I've received a lot of unsolicited consolation, which has helped me continue to feel that support I felt leading up to the duel. I feel joy in the ultimate outcome: No hard feelings, lessons learned, skills increased, a good time had, and many of our friends entertained.