Lessons from a Duel

So, I challenged a friend to a duel last weekend, or an honor battle as we call it in our swordfighting group. I never expected to learn so many lessons from what some might consider silly or unwise.

It all started when I updated my cover photo on Facebook to a picture of my friend Jarom and I swordfighting. Another friend made a comment about the event we were at, and eventually Jarom claimed I couldn't and hadn't beat him at all (His persona at this event was a barbarian god-king).

I posted a picture that I took at the event after I had defeated him, which he claimed was photoshopped. I posted a second picture I took as a second witness, which he also claimed I edited. (Lesson #1, don't argue with trollers 😂)

So, since he wasn't dropping it, I decided to actually edit a photo so not only was he defeated, I was in a victorious stance. We bantered back and forth, and I finally challenged him to an honor battle. He had besmirched my honor. We both knew who was right, and that I could defeat him. He readily accepted.

We took it off of Facebook at that point. I realized that we'd need to agree on weapons, since we both know multiple rules on them. I thought I remembered that the person challenged got to choose weapons, and looked up the rules on dueling. Sure enough, he got to pick. I also learned a lot more details on dueling, those will be useful to me as an author...

In my research I learned more about a couple of people on our currency. I had already known that Alexander Hamilton (on the $10 bill) was killed in a duel, but what I didn't know was that Andrew Jackson (on the $20 bill) was a bit of a duelist himself. No one knows for sure, but it is estimated he participated anywhere from 10 to 100 duels. I connected myself more to Jackson, since he had won duels. I felt more of a connection to both of them as this experience went on.

The feelings and emotions soon started to hit.

Fear
Could I really beat him in a duel in front of a bunch of people? (He was kind enough to plant that one) Was I making a terrible mistake? What would happen if I lost? What would happen if I won?

Anger
Who did he think he was, posting untruths on my Facebook page? (Granted, it was only in the comments) Why wouldn't he drop it? He and I are actually fantastic friends, and I knew he was doing it in jest, and I was egging him on as well, so this feeling didn't last long at all. I think most of it came from the character I was playing, who was mad at the god-king of the barbarians anyway.

Confidence
Heck yeah I could beat him! I had killed him with my limp arm that day! How many times had I beaten him one on one? About 50%! If nothing else, we had agreed to fight twice! I knew he saw me as a formidable opponent. I was in the right, that meant that I had truth on my side as well!

Embarrassment
What was I doing? Anyone watching must have thought I was crazy! Why was I telling people about this? Should I call it off? But what would that say about me?

Sadness
This one really started to hit the day before and the day of the duel. Why did I feel like I had to fight one of my best friends? Would this hurt our friendship? Things seemed funny at work sometimes (no duh?).

I was grateful to recognize each of these as they came. It was valuable to see how they affected me, and what triggered them. I try to study my emotions not only for myself, but to make me a better writer and author. There was one other extremely important one, but I'll address that later.

I knew that I needed to visualize a positive outcome, victory! As this all was happening we were actually working at an event that teaches positive mindset. I tried to see myself striking the winning blow, and what would happen afterwards, but my writer brain wanted to see all the possibilities. "Thank you brain, I will file that for future use in a story . . . That one too, but let's focus on this outcome please." I have some work to do there...

My manager helped me with this by posing a figure in a victorious stance and labeling it:

Rebecca

Victory

over Jarom

Jarom actually suggested that I hire a skilled fighter in our group to train me, because he already had. My pride rejected the idea (I didn't need that!), but I seriously considered it. I knew it would be valuable, and I had previously considered hiring this person anyway. I contacted him that night, and we arranged to meet the next day. (I challenged Jarom on Thursday, the fight was on Tuesday)

The morning we were going to train I was feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing as I was doing my daily declarations, statements of who I am. My first one is "I am good enough." That one had actually been getting me down lately because I wanted to be more than good enough. As I said it that morning though, it took on a new meaning. "I am good enough. . . to beat Jarom!" I knew my mindset needed to be positive, and this was going to help immensely with it. It also helped me with that declaration in general.

Training proved to be incredibly valuable. Not only did I learn shots to throw, I learned swordfighting mindset. I had figured some stuff out on my own over the almost two years I've done swordfighting, and picked up some tips here and there from others, but having a mentor or teacher really makes a difference. Just by the outcome of our spars I could tell I was improving. On top of that, he gave me some specific pointers to fight Jarom. Talk about a confidence boost!

Talking to Jarom the next day, he mentioned he hadn't decided yet if he was going to win or not, how hard he was going to fight. I wasn't about to tell him to go all out, though I decided I could still beat him if he did. That had an effect on my mindset, scaring me, giving me hope, and making me more determined all at the same time.

One thing I was grateful for, was though we would talk trash up until the duel, we could still work together effectively, and we were still friends. I had an issue I needed to solve at work, and he helped me find a solution as if nothing had ever happened. I tried to do the same. This reinforced a skill I already have been working on as a writer, separating stories from real life. There are principles to learn from stories for sure, but you can't live inside of them. You have to separate yourself from a character you are connected to, whether that is someone in a book you are reading (or writing), or a role-playing character, as was the case here.

The ironic part? The day of the fight as we were playing games before our duel Jarom and I ended up on the same team most of the time. At one point when we were both waiting to jump back into a game he said something that really got me thinking. "You know there won't be a winner, right?"

At first I thought he was saying that because we had an even number of fights planned, but he explained what I had been thinking earlier that was making me sad, that it meant one of us had to lose, which could harm our friendship, and we'd both lose.

The moment finally came. Everyone circled up around us and we explained why we were having an honor battle. In the process, he admitted that he was lying and the pictures were real, but we were still going to fight. I felt vindicated, my honor had been restored, but I still wanted to win the fight.

Everyone started chanting, the cameras started rolling, and we tapped swords. Ultimately, he won both fights (with some incredible moves I must say), but I also felt that I had fought well. I felt a bit deflated, and it really hit me the next day, but we congratulated each other and our friendship was back to normal.

Some of the other lessons I learned, but not necessarily thorough a particular instance were:

• The importance of integrity: Because I knew that I had been truthful (other than the third image I actually edited) I knew I had a footing to stand on. I also realized that the one falsified image, though done in fun, weakened my position. I was still fully truthful after that, but it tainted my argument and I had to be careful about how I worded things to make sure what I was saying was true.
• The importance of support: Though at times I felt ridiculous, I kept telling people about the adventure I was on. I was pleasantly surprised about the amount of support I was receiving, and I even had someone tell me "you'd better win!" I felt that nearly everyone was on my side, they had sympathy, but no matter the outcome they would support me. Even Jarom was supportive!
• The importance of humility: Had I practiced a bit more humility to begin with this whole thing wouldn't have even happened. I could have just dropped the conversation. There are much better ways to resolve things than by a physical fight, and I think a lot of the world today forgets that. We don't have duels like we used to, but we still have violence for a lot of the same seemingly petty reasons. The violent way things are often resolved now can often catch others in the crossfire. Also, had I not practiced humility and gotten some training I would not have the skills I do now, nor would I have fared as well in our battle.

Throughout the whole experience I felt a great sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I could be learning some of these life lessons in a safe manner, that wouldn't have a drastic negative consequence, but many lasting good ones. (That's what play is for, isn't it?) I didn't actually die is a great result! Grateful that when needed, we could put aside our funny little squabble and get things done, or just have a mutual respect for one another and normal conversation. Grateful that we were both able to be quick to forgive, and give kudos to each other.

In summery, here are most of the lessons I learned:

• Don't argue with trollers
• How duels work(ed)
• History on some founding fathers
• The impact of emotions
• Positive visualization
• Positive mindset (I am good enough, etc.)
• Swordfighting skills
• Separation of story from real life
• Importance of practice (I practiced a lot with my siblings up to the battle)
• How valuable friendship is
• Better ways to resolve things
• Importance of integrity
• Importance of support
• Importance of humility

It was a lot of fun, though I'm glad it's over and don't necessarily recommend challenging your friend to a duel. We are having fun sharing the videos and watching the footage to further improve. I've received a lot of unsolicited consolation, which has helped me continue to feel that support I felt leading up to the duel. I feel joy in the ultimate outcome: No hard feelings, lessons learned, skills increased, a good time had, and many of our friends entertained.

Passions

What are you passionate about? This can be an interesting question because in can be interpreted a lot of different ways. I'm not talking about things you're interested in or just like doing, I'm talking about things that stir your soul.

Upon looking up the word "passionate" in the dictionary this is the first result I receive: "Showing or expressing strong beliefs, interest, or enthusiasm." (There are other uses for this word that are related, but my focus today is using this definition.) Some things that I have determined I am passionate about are first and foremost my relationship with my Heavenly Father as well as my Savior, writing, and music. There are others, but these are the ones in my mind that mean the most to me right now.

The one that I'll focus on most is writing, which I think in large portion really comes down to storytelling for me. I've been telling stories for as long as I can remember, whether verbally, through acting, through daydreaming, or thorough writing. I remember writing my first "book" when I was about three years old. I drew the pictures, stapled them together, and had my parents transcribe my description. It was about a dinosaur named Harry who was sad because while all the other dinosaurs were hairy, he hadn't had a single hair come in yet (My three year old self probably knew dinosaurs didn't grow hair, but my imagination grasped the idea of "what if?"). By the end of the book he was starting to grow hair and was so excited. I even wrote a sequel!

The interesting thing about the fact that I love writing is that my spelling used to be terrible. Even though I've loved stories and reading from a very young age the actual writing aspect was a struggle for a long time. Spellcheck was my best friend, and even then it sometimes couldn't figure out the word I was trying to spell. In the three times I participated in the spelling bee I went out in the first round twice. It wasn't until I was fourteen that I had much confidence in my ability to spell. That was the last year that I could do the spelling bee, and I lost the tiebreaker for third place, taking fourth! The really funny part? The words I missed were "falsetto" and "vibrato," both music related words.

Did I let my struggling spelling skills hold me back? No! I continued to create stories, whether I actually wrote them or not. I went to events at my local library with guest authors and wished that there was even a chance for aspiring writers to earn enough money to make a living. The idea of being an author greatly appealed to me, but I thought it was impractical. (Did I bother asking the guest authors? Er, no.)

I pushed away the idea for years. I just didn't see it as possible. I was still a kid, and I was letting stigmas crush my dreams, though I didn't see it at the time. Do. Not. Let. Your. Dreams. Be. Crushed. Had I truly believed in my passion (though I didn't realize then that's what it was) at the time I could be leaps and bounds ahead of where I am in my current skill level. I'm grateful for where I am, and for how I got here, but now I know that I want my children to grow up knowing that it is okay to follow their wholesome passions. The most important thing though is that I didn't let the idea die. There was still a part of me that longed to write and create.

Part of what makes it a passion to me is the fulfillment I feel when I am doing it. I feel so much myself. It brings me great joy, not just fleeting happiness. Especially when I can look back at a finished project, or even just a project that I've worked on a lot. The fact that I created something so cool, even when it is a collaborative effort, brings me great joy and satisfaction.

I could go on and on, but let's look at another passion of mine, music. What about music makes it a passion? I think the biggest thing is they way it makes me feel, much like writing. I feel so much joy when I sing, or play my violin, or listen to wholesome music. Sometimes I'm not as focused on the words or the notes as I would like, but I still love what I am doing.

Another thing that brings the joy into my passions is the connection that I feel to my Heavenly Father. In music I can sing His praises, or remember that He is always there for me. I feel His power even when listening to music that might be considered secular, because it relates to my life. This is one reason I am very selective of the music that I listen to, because I can feel it when the song drives away the Spirit. When that happens that song gets deleted or skipped, even if I previously really enjoyed the song, though I tend to keep those a bit longer to make sure it wasn't just my mood that day or misunderstanding the lyrics (it usually isn't, but it has been in a few cases).

In my writing, I feel connected to my Heavenly Father because I am using the creative powers He has given me, creating worlds like He has, though on a much, much smaller scale. I learn the importance of agency as I allow my characters to make mistakes. When I let them go through hard things because I know the growth they will go through I better see how God does the same thing for me, and it makes my trials a little bit easier to bear.

My passions bring me joy. More so than other things that are more of an interest. Does that mean those things can't become passions? No, but as of right now they are hobbies, not passions. Does the fact that I'm passionate about something mean it's always easy or I always want to work on it? No! Sometimes I really don't want to work on it, even though I know that it will help me, or something needs to get done. But it is in those times that I go through the most growth, even if I don't see it for a while.

What are you passionate about? What brings you the most joy? How does it better connect you with heaven?