Last Sunday I watched the last episode of season 2 of the BBC Masterpiece series Sherlock. It is a modern day Sherlock Holmes, which makes it extremely interesting. At the end of the episode, Sherlock's life is at stake to save his friends. (Sorry to those of you whom that last sentence was a shock in any way) It ended so dramatically, and there was such a mystery at the end, I was excited for days about it. I was thinking about the amazing acting, the mystery, why I only watch British television, how they don't start filming for next season until January (so I've heard), and why people will risk their lives for different things.
That last thought was actually the first one that came to mind. For some reason this thought keeps coming back to me over and over again. I can think of it in many different ways: bravery, self-sacrifice, and courage in the face of death. Why will people risk their lives for something? I can think of several examples.
A while ago I had the opportunity to see the opera The Magic Flute, at one point, Tamino, one of the main characters, has to be blindfolded to start a series of unknown trials in order to marry the girl he loves. His new-found friend, Papageno, is terrified and tries (unsuccessfully) to resist. The actor who portrayed Tamino stood there, waiting to be blindfolded. There was fear in his eyes. (Kudos to the actor for great acting!) That struck something in me, and it keeps coming up every now and then. There are several examples in the scriptures of this same thing, being willing to go through something that might involve death. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego and the fiery furnace, Daniel and the lions' den, Abinadi and king Noah and his priests, Alma and Amulek preaching to the people of Ammonihah, Joseph Smith, and many others. Sherlock Holmes even risks his life several times in the original cases. I'm going to read The Final Problem today, and wanted to post beforehand, so I didn't have something else to think about, as I know the basic idea of what happens at the end, but not the details. I don't know why I keep thinking about this, I'm just glad I have an eternal perspective and know there is life after death. I know this is one reason the people in the scriptures were able to do what they did, which makes me wonder what the fictional characters would be thinking.
I went to a cemetery where my great-grandparents are buried on Monday, and had some interesting thoughts. It didn't seem creepy like people normally picture cemeteries, it was peaceful, and almost, happy. I was talking about it with my parents afterwords, and they said it was because I had an eternal perspective, and I have more friends than enemies there. I also thought it was odd that even though I was standing at my great-grandparents' grave, I didn't feel connected there. I figured out later that it is also because I have an eternal perspective, and even though their bodies are there, their spirits aren't necessarily.
As I've been thinking, I started to wonder why it is I pretty much only watch British TV, I like some of the Masterpiece series, (others are just weird in my opinion) and I like Doctor Who. I know there is other British TV, but this is what I chose to watch through my PBS station. I think a lot of it has to do with the values in the shows. In Doctor Who, the Doctor is always battling evil, in Sherlock, pretty much the same thing. (although for different reasons) They also are clean for the most part. (one of the Sherlock episodes was kind of iffy) They have a nice blend of funny and serious. They also are not violent for the sake of being violent, they only fight when they have to. (which is one reason I heard Jackie Chan is retiring from action movies, but that's another story) They also are not very gory, Sherlock does have some blood, but I can't think of a time off the top of my head when Doctor Who does. Thinking about it further, they both have incredibly intelligent title characters, and their friends who try to keep up. I think another aspect of it is, I don't find the need to watch TV all the time, and so I pick and choose what I watch, and these are the shows I pick. I actually don't watch Doctor Who very much anymore because it is on at an inconvenient time.
I started reading the original cases after watching the show, partially to relieve my mind of the mystery left at the end of the show, but also because the show piqued my interest into the books. They are really quite interesting. I find it is kind of fun to find similarities between Holmes and I. Some I have noticed are: We both play violin, (although he plays much better than I do!) when we are busy, we don't eat until we are starving and really need something, or are forced to have a break, and evidently we both think it is handy to have a pistol in some situations. Funny story! I was getting ready to go on a hike, and as I was filling up a water bottle I was thinking: "What else should I grab to be prepared? Watson, would you grab a pistol? What?!?" I have no idea why I thought that I might need a pistol, I must have been reading too much Sherlock Holmes.
Something else I have noticed while reading is how much of the character of the language is seeping into how I write, think, and talk. I am glad is is more refined. I get excited whenever I need to pull out the dictionary to find out what an unfamiliar word means. I love to expand me vocabulary! It has really gotten me back into reading. I had hit a dearth and wasn't reading very much. The ironic thing is it was partially my schoolwork that was preventing me. I am really glad to be reading again!
Ah well, (there's that character seeping out!) I should stop rambling now and read. The first case I read today is supposedly the one that introduces Mycroft. I'm excited!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Higher Education
With graduation here, I'm getting some of the most annoying questions asked of me over and over again. "How do you graduate?" and "What are you doing for college?"
The problem here is there are so many options, I don't know!
The question that needs more answering here is the college question. Depending on that answer, we can continue onto the graduation question. I know it's kind of backwards, but that's how it has to be done because what you want to do later determines what you have to do now to get there.
Right now, I'm leaning towards not going to college and entering the workforce instead. This is a whole lot cheaper, and honestly, I don't know that college is worth it. That is a lot of time, energy, and money to spend. And what do you get for it? A piece of paper and facts pounded into your head. The question is, how much are those facts and piece of paper worth? I'm thinking, not as much as they cost. How far does a degree really get you now days? Unemployment among college graduates is rising. That makes it really difficult to pay off student debt.
How much of that information could you learn, filtering out the stuff you didn't want to learn, from reading? If you want to learn about something, I would like to re-write a common phrase: there's a BOOK for that! You know, those things with pages? That you turn, and the paper has words on it? Yeah, those things! You can learn so many things from books. You just need to know what ones to read, and how to read them. Fictional literature can be educational if you know how to read and apply it. Here are some things that can help in this endeavor:
A colloquium group helps you see things you may not have noticed or paid much attention to while reading, and helps you expand those ideas you had while reading. I started participating in a colloquium group with adults when I was twelve. It was an amazing thing. Even when we got off topic, there were still great thoughts being shared. I learned some things I would not have without doing that. A colloquium group is not the same as a book group. You discuss ideas from books or articles as opposed to story lines. You have a moderator that keeps the discussion moving, and talk about the how, the why, what the author was trying to get at, and other like minded things. I wish I had the opportunity to do this now that I'm more mature and understand things better.
A mentor is another useful resource. A mentor can guide you to what books you should read, ask you questions about what you are reading to get you thinking, give you assignments to apply what you are learning or to learn more, and be there to ask questions of to help you understand something you are not grasping.
Another thing I have found useful is writing. I have been enamored by something this past week and a half, (which I should be posting about tomorrow, or I will not be happy with myself!) and had just started writing in my journal again just before the inciting incident. It has been so useful to write down what I've been thinking and in so doing it has made me think more, and my thoughts have been more organized. It has also helped me think more critically, and has made me come to some realizations. I filled almost a quarter of my journal in a week with how much I have been writing in it. It is interesting because I have been reading an older English book, (about turn of the century) some of the characterization of the language has seeped into what I write. Because I think faster than I write, It makes me think more about what I am writing. Then of course sometimes I think much faster than I am writing, and leave out something, and then I have to add an addendum to what I wrote because it doesn't make sense without it. And then there are those times you leave what you are writing for a moment, but are still thinking about what you were writing, and then when you come back you can't remember what you decided as you were gone that you were going to write! Like right now. That is so annoying. Ah, that's what it was. Writing is also helpful because you keep a record of what you have learned and what you were thinking. Then you can come back to it at some later point.
One thing I think affects your learning is what music you listen to while you are reading/learning. I find listening to classical music helps me think, doesn't distract me, and keeps me from getting distracted form outside influences. When I listen to my pop music, (about 80s or older, I don't care for the stuff from this decade) I find it harder to concentrate. (So what does that indicate about my brother listening to "The Song that Doesn't End" while doing math?)
A combination of these things is what I think you need for a higher education. For some people, they can get this at a college, and it will be worth it to them. You need to prayerfully decide what is best for you. Right now, I think what is best for me is to work, use the resources I have listed above, and take some free courses from MIT as described here. I value learning and education, but I don't know that I need to spend thousands of dollars on expensive college classes. I can spend that money on other things, such as necessities and books, not get into deep debt, and do things for little or no cost.
The problem here is there are so many options, I don't know!
The question that needs more answering here is the college question. Depending on that answer, we can continue onto the graduation question. I know it's kind of backwards, but that's how it has to be done because what you want to do later determines what you have to do now to get there.
Right now, I'm leaning towards not going to college and entering the workforce instead. This is a whole lot cheaper, and honestly, I don't know that college is worth it. That is a lot of time, energy, and money to spend. And what do you get for it? A piece of paper and facts pounded into your head. The question is, how much are those facts and piece of paper worth? I'm thinking, not as much as they cost. How far does a degree really get you now days? Unemployment among college graduates is rising. That makes it really difficult to pay off student debt.
How much of that information could you learn, filtering out the stuff you didn't want to learn, from reading? If you want to learn about something, I would like to re-write a common phrase: there's a BOOK for that! You know, those things with pages? That you turn, and the paper has words on it? Yeah, those things! You can learn so many things from books. You just need to know what ones to read, and how to read them. Fictional literature can be educational if you know how to read and apply it. Here are some things that can help in this endeavor:
A colloquium group helps you see things you may not have noticed or paid much attention to while reading, and helps you expand those ideas you had while reading. I started participating in a colloquium group with adults when I was twelve. It was an amazing thing. Even when we got off topic, there were still great thoughts being shared. I learned some things I would not have without doing that. A colloquium group is not the same as a book group. You discuss ideas from books or articles as opposed to story lines. You have a moderator that keeps the discussion moving, and talk about the how, the why, what the author was trying to get at, and other like minded things. I wish I had the opportunity to do this now that I'm more mature and understand things better.
A mentor is another useful resource. A mentor can guide you to what books you should read, ask you questions about what you are reading to get you thinking, give you assignments to apply what you are learning or to learn more, and be there to ask questions of to help you understand something you are not grasping.
Another thing I have found useful is writing. I have been enamored by something this past week and a half, (which I should be posting about tomorrow, or I will not be happy with myself!) and had just started writing in my journal again just before the inciting incident. It has been so useful to write down what I've been thinking and in so doing it has made me think more, and my thoughts have been more organized. It has also helped me think more critically, and has made me come to some realizations. I filled almost a quarter of my journal in a week with how much I have been writing in it. It is interesting because I have been reading an older English book, (about turn of the century) some of the characterization of the language has seeped into what I write. Because I think faster than I write, It makes me think more about what I am writing. Then of course sometimes I think much faster than I am writing, and leave out something, and then I have to add an addendum to what I wrote because it doesn't make sense without it. And then there are those times you leave what you are writing for a moment, but are still thinking about what you were writing, and then when you come back you can't remember what you decided as you were gone that you were going to write! Like right now. That is so annoying. Ah, that's what it was. Writing is also helpful because you keep a record of what you have learned and what you were thinking. Then you can come back to it at some later point.
One thing I think affects your learning is what music you listen to while you are reading/learning. I find listening to classical music helps me think, doesn't distract me, and keeps me from getting distracted form outside influences. When I listen to my pop music, (about 80s or older, I don't care for the stuff from this decade) I find it harder to concentrate. (So what does that indicate about my brother listening to "The Song that Doesn't End" while doing math?)
A combination of these things is what I think you need for a higher education. For some people, they can get this at a college, and it will be worth it to them. You need to prayerfully decide what is best for you. Right now, I think what is best for me is to work, use the resources I have listed above, and take some free courses from MIT as described here. I value learning and education, but I don't know that I need to spend thousands of dollars on expensive college classes. I can spend that money on other things, such as necessities and books, not get into deep debt, and do things for little or no cost.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Wedding Observations
I had the opportunity to attend a couple wedding receptions with some of my family this month. As both marriages were in an LDS temple, and both receptions were in a ward building, it was rather interesting to see the differences between the two.
The first one I went to was for a friend whom we met through political campaigns who is closer to thirty than to twenty. When we arrived, the first thing we saw was the car that had (of course) been vandalized. I was rather appalled at some of the things that had been written on it. One of the more tame things that was written on the car was "Guess what we're doing tonight?"
When we got into the church, I was surprised at how low the ceiling in the cultural hall was. It turned out that there was material draped from the walls to the middle of the room. It looked rather nice actually, it was just weird at first glance. After we went through the reception line, we went to the refreshment tables. They had a lot of different options there. After we got our food, we sat at a table where there was room for us to sit. We didn't know anyone sitting there, and only talked to them a little bit. Everyone we knew was sitting at another table that was full.
They had some music playing in the background, and it changed to a song I don't like, and got louder. They announced that it was time to throw the bouquet. My mom made me get up and go over. I was really uncomfortable because I didn't like the song that was playing, I didn't know the bride, and I didn't know any of the people who were going to try to catch it. Then, she ended up throwing it before I could get to where everyone was standing because someone was in the road trying to take a picture of their daughters. I was perfectly fine with that. Then the music changed to something that I didn't know, but I still didn't like because it sounded really suggestive. The bride sat down so the groom could get the guarder, that whole thing was not done very tastefully in my opinion. Shortly after was the send off for the couple with sparklers, and then most everybody left.
The second one I went to was for one of my homeschooled friends who is not much older than me. Opening the announcement was a shock to me!
First thing we saw when we got there was a group of my friends standing outside chatting. We went through the reception line, chatting with both families. After the reception line, we went over to the dessert table, they had cheesecake with syrup on top. We didn't even sit down, we just stood while talking to some other friends.
They cut the cake, (another cheesecake :-)) and then said they were going to toss the bouquet. My dad put his arms around me, preventing me from going for the moment. Then he let me go so I could join the group. After the toss, they announced that they were going to have a dance, first with the bride and her father, then the bride and groom. Then they opened it up to anyone who would like to dance. I talked to people some, I danced when I was asked to, I watched with the bride's roommate the little video that she had made for the reception.
Eventually it came time to send off the couple, with bubbles. The theme of the marriage had been how the couple was becoming a king and queen in Zion. The car had a giant crown on the top of it. It was really fun, but they stopped after a few yards so they could clean off the windshield so the groom could see. The notes on the car were much cleaner than the ones at the previous reception. After they left, we chatted with some friends in the parking lot, then lots of people went inside to help clean up.
Some interesting things we observed between the two receptions:
The first one I went to was for a friend whom we met through political campaigns who is closer to thirty than to twenty. When we arrived, the first thing we saw was the car that had (of course) been vandalized. I was rather appalled at some of the things that had been written on it. One of the more tame things that was written on the car was "Guess what we're doing tonight?"
When we got into the church, I was surprised at how low the ceiling in the cultural hall was. It turned out that there was material draped from the walls to the middle of the room. It looked rather nice actually, it was just weird at first glance. After we went through the reception line, we went to the refreshment tables. They had a lot of different options there. After we got our food, we sat at a table where there was room for us to sit. We didn't know anyone sitting there, and only talked to them a little bit. Everyone we knew was sitting at another table that was full.
They had some music playing in the background, and it changed to a song I don't like, and got louder. They announced that it was time to throw the bouquet. My mom made me get up and go over. I was really uncomfortable because I didn't like the song that was playing, I didn't know the bride, and I didn't know any of the people who were going to try to catch it. Then, she ended up throwing it before I could get to where everyone was standing because someone was in the road trying to take a picture of their daughters. I was perfectly fine with that. Then the music changed to something that I didn't know, but I still didn't like because it sounded really suggestive. The bride sat down so the groom could get the guarder, that whole thing was not done very tastefully in my opinion. Shortly after was the send off for the couple with sparklers, and then most everybody left.
The second one I went to was for one of my homeschooled friends who is not much older than me. Opening the announcement was a shock to me!
First thing we saw when we got there was a group of my friends standing outside chatting. We went through the reception line, chatting with both families. After the reception line, we went over to the dessert table, they had cheesecake with syrup on top. We didn't even sit down, we just stood while talking to some other friends.
They cut the cake, (another cheesecake :-)) and then said they were going to toss the bouquet. My dad put his arms around me, preventing me from going for the moment. Then he let me go so I could join the group. After the toss, they announced that they were going to have a dance, first with the bride and her father, then the bride and groom. Then they opened it up to anyone who would like to dance. I talked to people some, I danced when I was asked to, I watched with the bride's roommate the little video that she had made for the reception.
Eventually it came time to send off the couple, with bubbles. The theme of the marriage had been how the couple was becoming a king and queen in Zion. The car had a giant crown on the top of it. It was really fun, but they stopped after a few yards so they could clean off the windshield so the groom could see. The notes on the car were much cleaner than the ones at the previous reception. After they left, we chatted with some friends in the parking lot, then lots of people went inside to help clean up.
Some interesting things we observed between the two receptions:
- The first one almost seemed more for show than anything else, the second one was more of a celebration of the union between the two families.
- The music at the first one seemed to imply 'you're hot' while the music at the second one was more of a 'I really, truly love you'.
- The cars were obviously very different from each other. I decided that if my car had the things on it the first one did, I would not get in the car. The first one would have been easier to clean up, as the second one had Oreos, balloons, cardboard (which ended up falling off anyway), and maybe another thing or two besides the window marker and cans behind the car. I would prefer to get in the second car with all that then the first one with all the messages that were on it. Although, for my wedding, my dad is going to help us hide the car, and it will not be vandalized.
- The helpfulness of people afterwards said a lot about how much people cared about the families in my opinion.
Don't get me wrong, the people in both couples are great people, it was just very interesting to see the differences between the two receptions.
When it comes to that time in my life, I would rather have a reception like the second one. Minus the car. It actually is the first reception I have been to that they have had dancing. And I have been to a fair amount of receptions. (Although, there is one I didn't make it to a while ago that I highly suspect had dancing, the parents of the bride there are very big into ballroom) I love ballroom dancing, and I think I would like to have that at my reception, but I might say in the announcement when the dancing starts.
Those are my thoughts on that subject. Hopefully I will post again soon, since it has been over two months since I last posted. I already have some thoughts in mind that I think I would like to share, albeit on very different subjects.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Education in Grassroots
We recently had our neighborhood caucuses for our state. My mother was precinct chair and spent a long time preparing for the caucus and meeting candidates. I was looking forward to caucus even though I am not old enough to participate. My brother and I spent a long time checking people in, there were a lot of people there.
The first election was the precinct chair. My mother ran for it again, and also the person who had been chair before her, who had told people last caucus to vote for my mom. It was mentioned that this position came with a state delegate position, so the question was asked who they would vote for at convention. My mom said that she didn't want our current senator back, he has been there long enough, and longer than the senator who was before him when he said the other senator had been there too long. She was leaning towards another candidate, but was still in the deciding process. The other person said they were not happy with all the out of state money that was trying to get our senator out, and that they supported the senator.
When the votes were tallied, my mom had lost by about 30 votes out of about 150. A lot of people had been getting phone calls saying to go support the senator at your caucus, and so lots of people did. After my mom said she didn't support the senator, many people would not vote for her for anything. She didn't get vice chair, which doesn't even have a state delegate spot, she didn't get any state delegate spot, in fact, we were surprised when another person who supported the same person my mom was leaning toward was elected a state delegate. My guess is that because they have served as a local leader in our church they were voted in. Somebody suggested that my mom be secretary, which she didn't want to do. The only thing she was elected to was a county delegate. We were depressed for several days after all the work we had gone through to make sure it ran smoothly and on getting the word out so people would get there, just to be pushed aside with no thought as to what we had done.
The main problem here is the people were not educated. They came not having a clue who was in any of the races other than our senator who they were told to support because lots of out of state money was being spent to get him out. The kicker is, the phone calls they were getting were paid for by an out of state organization that nobody knows who is behind it. Most of the people didn't take the time to research the candidates, most of them will believe anything the establishment tells them.
We have been getting mailers for and against the senator for several weeks, and it is interesting looking at the reasons that are being made. We got a large booklet from someone against the senator listing several things he has done, a little bit later we got another large booklet for the senator refuting what had been mentioned in the other booklet. The interesting thing I noticed was that the information could be twisted depending on how you look at it. For instance, it was said that the senator had voted for several things that were not good for the country, it was refuted that he did not vote for the final bill. His voting very well could have caused the bill to progress further in the earlier stages.
One thing that worries me is that the person who was elected chair did not know that the senator had voted for NDAA, nor did they even know what that was. For those of you that don't know, that act makes it possible for you to be arrested, and not charged with anything, totally taking away your Habeas Corpus rights. I admit I need to look into the bill a little further, and do some research of its constitutionality, but from what I can tell so far, it is not constitutional, and it worries me. I am so tired of the people in Washington D.C. trampling the constitution down over and over and over again. It bothers me that our president thinks that the constitution is obsolete. How is it obsolete!?! The principles it was founded on did not change!
What we need is educated voters. Educated on the candidates, educated on the issues, and most importantly, educated on the constitution. A few books I suggest are The 5000 Year Leap and The Making of America, both by Cleon Skousen. I have learned so much from The Making of America. One thing I like about it is it takes the constitution in small chunks, and tells you what that part means, the discussion on it during the constitutional convention, and how it affects our country. I do have to give you fair warning though, the section on the 16th amendment is very depressing. It made me sick. Not because of what was said about it, (although, how it was said what it does was a rude awakening) but because of how it came about.
Wow, I had no idea where I would get here, I hope this was enlightening for you. This is an area I feel strongly about. Sometimes I want to give up on politics, but then I think, "If I leave this arena, who will be left?" The answer is not a pretty one; those that don't care, those who are uneducated, those who are indoctrinated, and those who are power-hungry.
The first election was the precinct chair. My mother ran for it again, and also the person who had been chair before her, who had told people last caucus to vote for my mom. It was mentioned that this position came with a state delegate position, so the question was asked who they would vote for at convention. My mom said that she didn't want our current senator back, he has been there long enough, and longer than the senator who was before him when he said the other senator had been there too long. She was leaning towards another candidate, but was still in the deciding process. The other person said they were not happy with all the out of state money that was trying to get our senator out, and that they supported the senator.
When the votes were tallied, my mom had lost by about 30 votes out of about 150. A lot of people had been getting phone calls saying to go support the senator at your caucus, and so lots of people did. After my mom said she didn't support the senator, many people would not vote for her for anything. She didn't get vice chair, which doesn't even have a state delegate spot, she didn't get any state delegate spot, in fact, we were surprised when another person who supported the same person my mom was leaning toward was elected a state delegate. My guess is that because they have served as a local leader in our church they were voted in. Somebody suggested that my mom be secretary, which she didn't want to do. The only thing she was elected to was a county delegate. We were depressed for several days after all the work we had gone through to make sure it ran smoothly and on getting the word out so people would get there, just to be pushed aside with no thought as to what we had done.
The main problem here is the people were not educated. They came not having a clue who was in any of the races other than our senator who they were told to support because lots of out of state money was being spent to get him out. The kicker is, the phone calls they were getting were paid for by an out of state organization that nobody knows who is behind it. Most of the people didn't take the time to research the candidates, most of them will believe anything the establishment tells them.
We have been getting mailers for and against the senator for several weeks, and it is interesting looking at the reasons that are being made. We got a large booklet from someone against the senator listing several things he has done, a little bit later we got another large booklet for the senator refuting what had been mentioned in the other booklet. The interesting thing I noticed was that the information could be twisted depending on how you look at it. For instance, it was said that the senator had voted for several things that were not good for the country, it was refuted that he did not vote for the final bill. His voting very well could have caused the bill to progress further in the earlier stages.
One thing that worries me is that the person who was elected chair did not know that the senator had voted for NDAA, nor did they even know what that was. For those of you that don't know, that act makes it possible for you to be arrested, and not charged with anything, totally taking away your Habeas Corpus rights. I admit I need to look into the bill a little further, and do some research of its constitutionality, but from what I can tell so far, it is not constitutional, and it worries me. I am so tired of the people in Washington D.C. trampling the constitution down over and over and over again. It bothers me that our president thinks that the constitution is obsolete. How is it obsolete!?! The principles it was founded on did not change!
What we need is educated voters. Educated on the candidates, educated on the issues, and most importantly, educated on the constitution. A few books I suggest are The 5000 Year Leap and The Making of America, both by Cleon Skousen. I have learned so much from The Making of America. One thing I like about it is it takes the constitution in small chunks, and tells you what that part means, the discussion on it during the constitutional convention, and how it affects our country. I do have to give you fair warning though, the section on the 16th amendment is very depressing. It made me sick. Not because of what was said about it, (although, how it was said what it does was a rude awakening) but because of how it came about.
Wow, I had no idea where I would get here, I hope this was enlightening for you. This is an area I feel strongly about. Sometimes I want to give up on politics, but then I think, "If I leave this arena, who will be left?" The answer is not a pretty one; those that don't care, those who are uneducated, those who are indoctrinated, and those who are power-hungry.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Loneliness
Do you ever get the feeling that there is no one around you and you feel like you don't have anything to do? I'm in that mood, so I decided to blog since I haven't in a while.
I'm feeling rather alone and left out right now. I'm not taking any classes that require me to leave the house right now, (aside from seminary) and everything I try to do I can't. I wanted to try out for the local high school's play, since I already knew a little of it, but when I went to sign up for auditions, I found out I couldn't because I am enrolled (distance) in another school with a drama program. There goes that idea. I found out today that someone I know got the part I thought I would get if I did it with the other group. That made me kind of sad for myself. I'm happy for them, but to quote that character: "So sad to be all alone in the world."
Someone else made a suggestion about something which I thought was stupid and offensive. And then they kept going on about it. It made me mad, and I was the only one that seemed to be getting mad about it. I seem to be the only one in a lot of situations, and I've noticed that people don't like to sit by me. I don't know what it is, I often am one of the first people to lots of things, and then nobody will sit by me. I went to one event where I was one of the first people there, then we were kicked out so the people who were putting on the event could practice one last time. My brother and I saved our seats and went out. We were some of the last people in because I was talking to someone and I don't like walking through crowds. There were more people on the row we were sitting on, except the seat next to me. Then, right before it started, everybody that was sitting next to me left to sit somewhere else. After a break, everyone else that was sitting on our row was gone too.
I think I also have the problem that I'm very reserved and don't sit next to people unless I know them, and then even then I will sit somewhere else. I think part of my problem is I have a really hard time thinking of things to talk about. Some people I can talk with for hours, once we get started, but I have a really hard time getting started unless it is someone I know really well, or they start the conversation. Especially if it has been a long time since I have seen them. "So what have you been up to lately?" "I don't know, lots of things." "Oh, ok. What are you reading right now?" "Nothing much, how about you?" "Oh, nothing much, the same book I've been reading for months." I seem to have a lot of conversations like this, unless I know I have something in common with them that is more unusual, like bees.
The funny thing is, I seem to be able to talk with adults much better than most youth. I guess part of it is I would consider myself more mature than most youth, at least that I am around most, and so adults are more on my level. Also, adults seem to accept me for who I am more than most youth do. They also seem to appreciate my willingness to work and get things done. Besides finding more efficient ways to do things. I felt hurt when just a little bit ago, a youth got mad at me and told me I couldn't do something anymore that someone else asked me to do. I had agreed earlier that I shouldn't volunteer to do it anymore, so others could have a chance to learn how to do it, but I had been asked to do it, I didn't volunteer to.
Another problem is, most the people that I am with most of the time, I have such differing views with, that I couldn't have a conversation with them about something I am interested in, like education, music, or politics, without worrying that I will offend them and get in an argument where I am getting slammed because they will not listen. I have been in that situation enough times I have a pretty good idea of how it will turn out. The people I have similar views with I see about every two months, give or take.
These are the thoughts I have on this subject right now. Sorry if I seem to be long winded.
I'm feeling rather alone and left out right now. I'm not taking any classes that require me to leave the house right now, (aside from seminary) and everything I try to do I can't. I wanted to try out for the local high school's play, since I already knew a little of it, but when I went to sign up for auditions, I found out I couldn't because I am enrolled (distance) in another school with a drama program. There goes that idea. I found out today that someone I know got the part I thought I would get if I did it with the other group. That made me kind of sad for myself. I'm happy for them, but to quote that character: "So sad to be all alone in the world."
Someone else made a suggestion about something which I thought was stupid and offensive. And then they kept going on about it. It made me mad, and I was the only one that seemed to be getting mad about it. I seem to be the only one in a lot of situations, and I've noticed that people don't like to sit by me. I don't know what it is, I often am one of the first people to lots of things, and then nobody will sit by me. I went to one event where I was one of the first people there, then we were kicked out so the people who were putting on the event could practice one last time. My brother and I saved our seats and went out. We were some of the last people in because I was talking to someone and I don't like walking through crowds. There were more people on the row we were sitting on, except the seat next to me. Then, right before it started, everybody that was sitting next to me left to sit somewhere else. After a break, everyone else that was sitting on our row was gone too.
I think I also have the problem that I'm very reserved and don't sit next to people unless I know them, and then even then I will sit somewhere else. I think part of my problem is I have a really hard time thinking of things to talk about. Some people I can talk with for hours, once we get started, but I have a really hard time getting started unless it is someone I know really well, or they start the conversation. Especially if it has been a long time since I have seen them. "So what have you been up to lately?" "I don't know, lots of things." "Oh, ok. What are you reading right now?" "Nothing much, how about you?" "Oh, nothing much, the same book I've been reading for months." I seem to have a lot of conversations like this, unless I know I have something in common with them that is more unusual, like bees.
The funny thing is, I seem to be able to talk with adults much better than most youth. I guess part of it is I would consider myself more mature than most youth, at least that I am around most, and so adults are more on my level. Also, adults seem to accept me for who I am more than most youth do. They also seem to appreciate my willingness to work and get things done. Besides finding more efficient ways to do things. I felt hurt when just a little bit ago, a youth got mad at me and told me I couldn't do something anymore that someone else asked me to do. I had agreed earlier that I shouldn't volunteer to do it anymore, so others could have a chance to learn how to do it, but I had been asked to do it, I didn't volunteer to.
Another problem is, most the people that I am with most of the time, I have such differing views with, that I couldn't have a conversation with them about something I am interested in, like education, music, or politics, without worrying that I will offend them and get in an argument where I am getting slammed because they will not listen. I have been in that situation enough times I have a pretty good idea of how it will turn out. The people I have similar views with I see about every two months, give or take.
These are the thoughts I have on this subject right now. Sorry if I seem to be long winded.
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