Growing Up

It's been a few months since I've posted. I've been working out of state in a commercial kitchen for three months with limited internet access, and I wouldn't have traded that experience for the world. I've learned so much about myself, about others, and about life.

I don't even know where to begin.

I learned that I really am a social person. Growing up as a child being homeschooled you hear a lot of concern for your 'socialization' and you always wonder a little bit if you fit into your peer groups, but then again, I'm sure that happens to everyone. I used to think that I didn't fit in well with people my age. I worked well with people my parents' age, I am rather mature for my age and can comfortably talk with those older than me. I worked well with people younger than me, because I am mature I realized how much of an influence I have over those younger than me, and tried to use that influence for good, being a leader. But because I am a little more mature, I felt like I didn't mesh very well with most people my age, and that therefore I wasn't a very social person. I was very worried when I left that I would go off by myself a lot, and not interact with the people around me. I was very surprised when I realized that I was spending a lot of time with other people, and hadn't even touched Les Miserables. Talking to some people, I found out that they couldn't even tell that I was homeschooled, like they could with other people they knew. They were even surprised that I, and another girl there were homeschooled. (Proof that just because you're homeschooled, doesn't mean you're awkward, there are awkward public-schoolers too). I discovered that even if I don't talk very much, I still like being around people, and once I get to know someone I really open up.

I learned that it's OK to let yourself loose. I was so uptight and shy when I got there, and it prevented me from connecting with people quickly. I thought I was up there to do a job, and I was going to do it, and do it as well as I could, which meant no goofing off whatsoever. I had a hard time even talking while working because I was concentrating on what I was doing so much. It was through some wonderful people that I learned that I can have fun while working, lighten up, and still get the job done as well or better. It can even make you go faster, which in turn gives you more time to make the job fun. "In every job that must be done there is an element of fun. You find the fun and SNAP! The job's a game!" -Mary Poppins. We had a lot of 'sneaking' dishes into the sink, refusing to get off mats because they were being 'stolen,' arguments about the dark side, and so forth. I learned that you don't have to be totally mature all of the time. Part of maturity is knowing when it is OK to be immature. "...Men are that they might have joy." -2 Nephi 2:25. It's important to be mature and do what is right, but you can still do what is right and have fun. Because I learned to loosen up I created memories that I'll have with me for a long time. I'm now also a trained ninja assassin.

I learned that even if someone bugs you, a lot, you can get over that and still be friends. There were a few people up there that when I first met them really annoyed me. I don't like the feeling of disliking someone, and so I really tried to become friends with them. And you know what? It was really hard. It took a long time, but I learned to look past the things that bugged me, and look for the positive qualities they had. I may not have become really good friends with them, but we did become friends, and even had fun together, at least I think we did... I did at least.

There is so much else I could write about, but I'd better stop now and go have some FUN!

Tender Mercies

I had the opportunity to attend youth conference with my stake this week. I also have had the opportunity to help plan the conference over several months. Because I was in on the planning (I was one of ten youth helping to plan it) I wasn't sure how much I would get out of it because I was in on most of the 'surprises.' But the Lord gave me, and showed me, many tender mercies during this youth conference.

We were split up into 14 'families' of various sizes. I thought that I would know about 4 out of 12 youth in mine, and then two of those people didn't end up coming. There ended up being seven youth in my family (including me) that came, two of which I didn't know. I ended up actually knowing more people than I thought I did, I just didn't recognize them by name. One person I realized later my brother knew a few years ago, and had driven him nuts then. It was a tender mercy to me that I didn't know that, because I got to know them now, without any bias, and found them to be a really nice person (and my brother agrees at this point too).

We had some waterfront time, and I had decided to take my camera on the water so I could take some pictures. I had a plastic bag to put it in to keep it dry if my camera bag happened to get wet. The canoes we were in were lighter than the ones that I'm used to, and therefore aren't as stable. My brother and I happened to be in the same canoe (we didn't plan to do that) with someone else on my 'family.' We were moving along and managed to get someone to ram into us. The boat leaned far to the left, and I tried to shift my weight to the right, but we still tipped too far and the canoe capsized. Fortunately we all had life-jackets on, and were able to stay afloat. The rescue boat came and got us and took us to shore. I took my camera out and realized that water had gotten inside the plastic bag, the same thing happened to my brother. Fortunately the cameras only got wet, and not submerged so they should (hopefully) work okay as long as we get all the moisture out.
I got wondering why the Lord hadn't warned me not to take my camera on the water, but then I realized that I probably wouldn't (or didn't) pay attention to that thought because I had already had decided to take it, and I didn't plan on getting in the water. Fortunately I had planned for getting in the water, and had the bag and had packed extra clothes. I realized that the Lord probably prompted me to remember to put the camera in the bag, because I didn't have it in earlier so I could get to it easier. I either was prompted to take a picture shortly before waterfront, or was just prompted to put it in the bag when we got there, I can't remember which at this point.
I'm grateful that the Lord gave me that tender mercy, so I just have a funny story to tell later without a tragedy connected to it.

I guess I have a thing for high adventure stuff. I went to a leadership camp last month where we did a lot of it. Heights don't seem to bother me if I'm harnessed to a rope with a belay. The main challenge course at the camp we went to is a zip-line (there are other, smaller ones too). I had done the exact course before (they have multiple zip-lines) and so I knew I would do fine on it. I made sure everyone else went before I did so if anyone couldn't do it, it would be someone who had done it before. There were several people who freaked out a little while walking across the beam to get to the zip-line platform or on the platform itself, which was to be expected, heights scare a lot of people, and there were a few who refused to go on the zip-line, and had to get off another way. Because I don't really get freaked out by that I didn't know what I would get out of it besides a fun ride.
I climbed up the telephone pole so fast that the person in front of me was still hooking up to the zip-line when I reached the top, so I had to wait a second to cross the beam. I was wondering if crossing the beam would unnerve me at all, but it didn't seem to phase me. I walked across so fast that the person in front would still be on the zip-line for a minute, so the missionary prepping people for the zip-line had me walk backwards on the beam for fun! That was really cool for me. Then when I could finally go on the zip-line I had a little trepidation before I jumped off, (a good reminder/reassurance that I was still human) but was only standing on the edge for a second before I took a deep breath and jumped as the missionary told me to take a leap of faith. The zip-line was a blast and I got to touch the pole on the other end with my hand, which I couldn't do the last time I had done it.
I was grateful for the several tender mercies I was given in that experience, walking backwards, incredible balance and speed, jumping off so fast, and touching the pole.


The second night of the youth conference we had a testimony meeting. The testimonies that were borne were so touching, and it reassured me that everything we had planned did touch and change people, which I was starting to get anxious about a few days before the conference. There were several people who got up who I would not have expected to get up. I was content to sit and listen because it was so good, though I felt that I could have gotten up too. The stake president finally got up and said that after those who were up to go next were done we would end and go to bed, but we would have another opportunity the next night to bear testimony, which was not scheduled, but we could fit in. The next night was just as good as the last, and testimonies were borne for two hours and ten minutes. As I was sitting on the stand waiting to bear mine, I realized that I had originally wanted to end the youth conference with a testimony meeting, which hadn't worked out, but ended up happening anyway.
This is probably my favorite of all the tender mercies I was given over the youth conference. That I knew that what we had done had made a difference, and that we ended the conference the way I had originally wanted it to end (maybe it was inspiration earlier?).


The Lord loves us so much, and gives us so many tender mercies. If we look for them (not seek, there's a difference) we will see them all around us. The fact that I was able to see all of these is a tender mercy in and of itself. Once I was shown one I was able to find so many more, and it made youth conference all the more special for me. These are just a sample of what the Lord did for me, and I think that I have yet to find all of them from this youth conference. I know that if I just look out for them I will find so many in my everyday life.


What tender mercies have you seen in your own life?

Application

The end of the school year has brought some interesting things to mind, one of which is the ability to apply one's self to the task at hand. Throughout the year I had to do this to keep up with my courses and honed that skill more than I ever had before. Sometimes it was hard because I wasn't very interested in what I needed to do, but I still applied myself and got it done, eventually. I even finished one of my classes a month early!

Then there are my brothers, who had a lot more time on their hands than I did, yet did nearly all their coursework in about a week, the last week or two that they could. They were driving me insane. While I guess they did apply themselves in a different way, it sure caused them a whole lot more stress than if they had done it earlier.

While I know that some people work better under pressure (I know at times I do), I would rather get my stuff done and be able to do other things instead of putting it off and having it weigh on my mind or completely forget it to be reminded of it at the last second. I know that I'm not perfect at it, or else this post would not have been written on the last day of the month, but I try to work on it, and get into whatever it is that I need to do.

I seem to have a real problem of distractions, especially when I'm working on the computer. Even if I am trying to apply myself I can get distracted by thinking I need to look up something, or I haven't really applied myself and I check the news or watch a video from my favorite YouTube channel. The internet is a blessing, but it can also be a curse, depending on how you control your time on it. The problem gets worse if I'm not really into what I'm doing, or don't really know how to proceed. While writing this post I have checked the news, watched YouTube videos, checked my email, and read my previous blog posts, mostly because I knew I wanted to write on this topic, but didn't know where to take it.

I think that one of the biggest enemies to application is procrastination. You think that you can do something later, and then you realize that you put it off to the last minute and you just have to get it done, you can't really put yourself into it anymore. I am so glad that I did something earlier this week that had to be done by the end of the week. I got it done, had fun with it, and I don't have to worry about it anymore, I can put my mind to other things, like writing.

I think that one thing that comes from applying yourself is that you learn something from it. It becomes part of you. The projects I've done that I really applied myself and put part of myself into have stuck better than the ones where I just went through the motions. Projects that I got excited over or had a lot of fun doing have stuck better than the ones that I just had to do to move on in the course. Think about how this principle fits into the definition of the word apply, as in applying a coat of paint. I have found it interesting.

You don't even have to really enjoy something to apply yourself to it, you may want a skill, but it might not be the most pleasant experience to gain that skill. For instance, I decided almost two years ago that I wanted to learn how to type. My sister got a learn to type program/game for school, and I started using it too. It was definitely geared to younger kids, but I still found it useful. I didn't master typing from that program, in fact, I didn't go through the whole thing, I got stuck on the shift key and couldn't get past it, but I learned which fingers press which keys, and I started using the home row method while typing other things. It has been very frustrating at times, and sometimes I have to look at the keyboard still, but I usually keep my fingers where they belong now, instead of only using my index fingers. While writing this post I have tried not to look at the keyboard, and succeeded for the most part. I should probably see what my WPM (Words per Minute) is now, and maybe see if I can finish that game now. It's been a slow process, and I'm still nowhere near proficient, but I'm glad that I've worked on this skill.

Hey, look at that! I finally applied myself to this post and it got written really fast and I enjoyed it too! What's something that you have applied yourself to that you're proud of? Leave me a comment!

Life After Death

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine passed their little 3 year-old boy into his Heavenly Father's arms after a battle with leukemia. I had heard something the week before indicating he was really not doing well, and wondered if it might only be a matter of time. I still wasn't prepared for it when I heard that he had passed, it wasn't a surprise, but it still gave me some shock. Because my mom is the funeral coordinator for the ward I was involved in getting ready for the luncheon. I was busy enough that it didn't really sink in for the first few days.

I never cry at funerals. I think I may have forced tears at my great-grandmother's funeral, but I was still kind of young. I didn't think that I would be crying at this one at all and didn't have any Kleenex, which ended up being a mistake. I was getting choked up during the opening hymn, “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” (#136 in the LDS hymnbook), The message was just so beautiful. It is sad that he did not get to live a long, full life. But it is such a blessing to know that he will live again, and that his parents will have the opportunity to raise him. I could also barely sing the closing hymn, “Families Can Be Together Forever” (#300) It's sad that his sisters won't grow up with him, and I know that they miss him, but it is a comfort to know that they can be with him eternally after this life.

It is such a blessing to know that he is no longer suffering, and has, as the hospice nurse quoted him as saying, “no more owies.” That family will have a little angel watching over them. His father miraculously was able to speak at the funeral, and said that he believes that little children like that volunteered to have a 'broken body' and go through all that suffering, and are too pure to stay on the earth. Honestly, that family is such a strength to me. I can't, and don't want to, imagine what they must be going through right now. They are carrying through with so much courage, and I know it is the Lord that holds them up. The mother was telling a group I was in a story about how she had to comfort someone she had told about her son. They know that they have an eternal family, and that they will be able to raise their son during the millennium. This is one of the many things that brings them strength.

It is quite interesting having this happen during the Easter season. It has given me a real reason to rejoice in the reason for the holiday. I mean, it was still applicable before, but I can really see now how much comfort the message brings now. The miracle of the resurrection, and the hope for a better life in the hereafter. So many times when I have thought of the resurrection I have thought of this little boy and his family. The passing of a child really makes you wake up to an eternal perspective.

I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that because he lives this little boy, and everyone else, can live again. Death is not the end, it is merely a step in the process to Eternal Life. Families can be together forever. I know that God has plans for each of us. I know that He loves each and every one of us, and knows us by name. I know that He cares, and will give us those things that we need. I know that if we are faithful we can be like Him someday. I say these things in the name of my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, amen.

'Tis a Gift to Be Simple

Every week my family attends a class about an hour and a half away. The past few weeks I have been taking a laptop to work on assignments during the drive. I didn't have anything due this time, just a book to finish for class next week. I read that on the way to class while it was still daylight, but it was dark when we left so I was not able to read the last six pages. I'll finish it when I'm done here :-). I was going to pull out the laptop so I could do some pleasure writing (like, my blog!), but my mom suggested that since we were in a more rural area I look at the stars until we got back to the city area and couldn't see them anymore. I agreed with her and did some stargazing from our van.

It is amazing how beautiful little white dots on a dark background are. I have always loved the stars, but don't normally get to see them for all the light pollution where I live. At girls' camp I have never missed a stargazing night, even though you only have to go during your fourth year. The first time I went the person teaching did such an awesome job, and knew so much, that I was hooked. While in the car I didn't recognize any constellations besides Orion, (I really only know summer constellations from camp) it was still amazing to see how many stars I could see just outside my window. My younger sister was looking too and said that she saw a bunny in the stars, after she said that I happened to see a cluster that resembled a carrot.

Looking at the stars reminded me of one of my family's favorite scenes from a movie:

" Pumbaa: Timon?
Timon:     Yeah?
Pumbaa: Ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon:     Pumbaa. I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon:     They're fireflies. Fireflies that uh... got stuck up on that big... bluish-black... thing.
Pumbaa: Oh. Gee. I always thought that they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon:     Pumbaa, wit' you, everything's gas."1 

It's amazing to think about how little things, like stargazing, will bring up memories. Just sitting there, enjoying the stars and the dark, hilly scenery left me with lots of time to think. My mom had just put in our Sting album (the British singer), and the song "When We Dance" started playing. Because we hadn't played that CD since our vacation to California a few months ago, my mind went back to the last specific time I remember hearing it, which was when we were either at, or headed to the beach for the first time for my siblings and I. I think that I am going to correlate that song with the beach for a long time. The funny thing is, if you had asked me what we were listening to when we went there, I probably couldn't have told you, but music tends to stir up memories and emotions that may have been sitting stagnant for a while.

After I finished reminiscing in my flashback, I got thinking about the stars again. I got thinking about how awesome it will be when I can make stars, constellations, and worlds. In my religion (the LDS or 'Mormon' religion) we believe that (in a nutshell) if we live the way we should, repent, get married in the temple and keep our marital covenants, and endure to the end, we will be able to become like God, live with Him again, and become gods and goddesses with the ability to create worlds. I think that is really cool, and I want to live my life in a way that I will be able to do that. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalms 82:6 which relates to that thought. I don't consider myself an extremely creative person, but I still like to create things.

I decided that I liked the feeling of riding in the car on a rural highway in the dark, it reminded me of childhood trips to my grandparent's house, which took three hours and was often in the dark. I began to ponder how amazing it is that we used to take trips like that a lot, and didn't have much to do, but were fine with the long drive (as long as we had a pit stop or two). Now I, and some of my family, had a hard time with this weekly drive we take. My brother kept bothering my mom to give him the iPad because he didn't have anything to do. I wanted to do stuff on the computer. I decided then that I would not pull out the laptop, and would contently look out the window.

Sometimes it is a good thing to be able to be amused or awed by the simple things in life, like the stars, a favorite quote from a movie, or recalling memories from small things. I think today we get so caught up in all this technology that we don't stop to think about the little things in life. We don't stop to smell the roses, we don't take the time to just find a book and read, we don't write a letter to a friend, we don't stop and dance when our favorite song is playing on the radio, we don't stop to take the time to write down our thoughts (I find myself kicking myself over this one a lot). There are so many small and simple ways that we could be taking a break and enjoying life, but we never stop in this ever moving world to take advantage of all the couple minute, or even second things that have the ability to refresh us.

I hope we all can find the time to take advantage of the simple things that make life pleasant. What are some of the simple things that make your life more enjoyable? Leave me a comment!

Resolutions

So, I should have written this post last month, but I didn't. There's a resolution I need to work on. I like the new way I'm doing resolutions this year. The past few years I've tried to review if I worked toward a resolution or not every so often, and this year I'm still doing that, but I'm also not setting as many goals to meet, but things to work on. At the end of the year I'll review, like I do every year, but instead of checking off whether I did it or not, I'll rate myself on how well I did it.

For instance, because right now I'm terrible about going to bed at a decent hour, I have a resolution to "Get on a better sleep schedule and keep it." If I start going to bed better and keep doing that, I'll give myself a 10. If I start doing that late in the year, I'll probably give myself a 9-7. If I start mid-year and stop in October, I'll give myself a 7-5. If I occasionally go to bed well throughout the year, I'll give myself a 4-2 for effort. If I fail epically, I give myself a 1 (lowest possible) and try again next year.

Using this format I can see how well I did things, and either congratulate myself, or determine I need to work on it again the next year. I did this rating system for last year's resolutions, and for the most part, if it was under 5 I put it back on my list, or decided that it wasn't really a priority anymore. Some resolutions I might have done 'well' on I revised and made more specific because I felt that resolution didn't help me as much as I had anticipated. I like this version much better than a check or X system because then I can recognize that I made an effort on that resolution, and if a resolution isn't exactly something that you can 'accomplish' then you can rate on how well you improved yourself.

For instance, last year I resolved to work on my writing skills. I didn't do much until after summer, when the classes I was taking required me to improve them, but in my mind they still improved immensely. I gave myself a 7 and decided that it didn't need to be a resolution again this year, I had done most of what I had intended to do. If anything I revised it and changed it this year to "Blog monthly (at least)." I gave myself a specific thing to do, not just a vague goal. Granted, I got off to a rocky start, but at least I can still aim for a 9 (because perfection is out of reach at this point) but I don't have to say 'Oh well, failed that one! Guess I won't even try anymore the rest of the year.' I can still try to achieve a high score, it just won't be perfect.

I like to be somewhat specific in my resolutions, and I'm learning when it needs to be more specific. What does 'Get organized' mean? Use 'organize/clean ___name of location___' instead, it will be easier to measure. Put the name of a room or a specific shelf, not 'the house,' start with small chunks and as you get better you can make bigger goals without totally overwhelming yourself. For several years I've resolved to "Write in journal regularly," but found that evidently 'regularly' was equating to once a month. I still technically was doing it, but it defeated the point. This year I finally woke up and changed it to "Write in journal weekly (at least)" and have managed to stick to it so far.

This year I actually have the least amount of resolutions that I have since I started. I decided I was going to work on fewer things a little harder. I have 9 this year, last year I had 16 (17 if you count the "Survive Dec 21st" one I jokingly made). I think it makes it a little more achievable, and you have less to try to focus on. I also prioritize my resolutions and then (try to) run through them in my head every night and see how I did on each of them that day. Because I go in order of priority, if I fall asleep before I make it through the list I at least reviewed on how I did on the most important ones (which sometimes equates to "go to bed better, nope! Zzzz).

If you haven't made any resolutions for this year you still can, only two months have passed so far, that still leaves 10 months in the year, why wait that long to make goals to improve yourself? If you need to, resolve to write next year's resolutions in December, I've done that before, and the knowledge that I resolved to do that helped me make sure I got some written the next year. I've gotten to the point I don't need that anymore, but it made sure I kept going and made it so I had to remember what I had resolved. Oh, and make sure you write them down and put them in a place you will remember where they are, you won't remember them otherwise. It took me a few weeks to memorize my list, (I wasn't working on it that hard) and I find every now and then that I wasn't remembering exactly what I wrote down, I was changing the words so it meant something slightly different.

If anyone has more tips on resolutions, please post them in the comments! (because I have so many people reading my blog :-P)

Happy resolution keeping!